Valentine's Day Through the Rose Colored Glass

It’s February 14, 2016, and that can only mean one thing. Today is that dreaded holiday that seemingly every single person in the world despises. Despised so much that a new tradition called “Galentine’s Day” has been invented to help take salt off the wound. I don’t understand the big problem with Valentine’s day. Personally, I love it, even as a single bachelor living in his 3rd floor pent-dorm mansion with one twin size bed, a mini-fridge that barely has enough room to chill my water bottles, and a sink that no matter what I do, gets cluttered with my beautification supplies. ThatDude takes his time to get ready for the day. There’s nothing more that I enjoy more than walking past a couple of beautiful women, turning around and seeing them faint at the sight of my 5’9 frame and Caribbean blood. Valentine’s Day is a fun holiday if you look at it through the rose-colored glasses. My good friend Deion, from In the Mix with Deion A. Sainvil, and I are going to tackle on Valentine’s Day from both the taken and single perspective.

Single Perspective

Deion here. Valentine’s Day has always been a special day to me. Not special in the way that Kanye’s impending album release date is special (Please man, stop playing games with us and release it), but in the sense that I make note of when it’s coming. Your boy hasn’t been tied down ever since he and Chantelle kissed each other during recess back in ‘99. So I’ve spent many a V-Days as a bachelor. Being single on Valentine’s Day is like being a Jew during Christmas-time. I don’t understand the songs, I have no use for the ornaments and the traditions are foreign to me. It’s simply a day that a majority celebrates and I’m just there with my hands in my pockets like “Yeah, that seems cool, I guess.”

It has it’s pros and cons. The obvious pro is that it saves me money (Dude chipping in on this real quick, it’s true. I’ve saved 15% or more by switching to single on Valentine’s Day). The con...well, there really aren’t any if you think about it. Let me explain. This ties in with today’s hook-up culture.

Papa Sainvil recently dropped a bomb on me when he said “Valentine’s Day is for couples. Don’t go making big plans on big days for people you’re only talking to. It freaks them out.”

Let me reiterate what my father said, Valentine’s Day is for COU-PLES. Meaning friends with benefits, people you’re talking to and everyone in between aren’t and shouldn’t be expecting anything. In the words of my roommate, “just vibe.” I am yet to find a Hallmark Card saying “On this Special Day, to my Special Friend...with benefits.” I’ve seen it already, plenty of the attractive women who want to come back into my life are on Twitter and IG posting things about how they want the pipe on V-Day. If you’re single and have a few hook-ups in your contacts, you can easily hit one of them up for a quick fling. Hell, if you plan it right, you can Netflix and Chill with multiple people throughout the day. They know when that hotline blings it can only mean one thing.

Some of you might be reading this thinking, “Wow, what a misogynistic thing to do. Only a fuckboy would do that.” Cut the crap. This is something that women and men do. You know it, I know it. The difference is in how it is executed. Men talk more and let their moves be known, women creep on the low and only chirp to a few nests. ThatDude and I are in college now. We know how it goes. The days of Valentine’s Grams are over. Now it’s about pregnancy scares and fearful visits to the doctor.

Maybe I took it too far there, but my main message is this: when you’re young and single, V-Day is about sex and a little companionship. If you haven’t already established a good relationship, don’t push for it today. Meaning there is no need to plan out anything with that cute so and so you’re getting to know unless you two are already in an agreed upon relationship.

Valentine’s Day can either be a pleasant day of surprise and affection or it can be a dreaded day of obligatory action—kinda like jury duty. I have enough friends in relationships and I’ve bagged groceries for enough couples to know what this day means to them. Some look at V-Day and get all starry eyed saying the effort and romance should be their every day. Some roll their eyes and think of the money they’re gonna spend. And others simply shrug their shoulders and think of it as a manufactured holiday. I’m not saying V-Day sucks, I’m saying that it’s not as beloved and welcomed as I once assumed.

If you’re single and your phone’s dry, then damn. Sucks to be you. I know, I was there. This year is different. I had tickets to fly out to Vegas and meet with some of my West Coast shorties, but your boy is working. Closing shift to be exact. So while I could be nestled up in a heart-shaped bed, eating imported grapes from my private vineyard in Puglia, Italy with a few beauts, I’ll be bagging groceries and cleaning. It’s okay though, I already requested the time off for my birthday so Summer ‘16 it’s gonna be popping. Dude, I’d give my ticket to you, but I’m not one to share. Plus, I’m sure you have an exam to study for on Monday, Mr. Bio major.

Taken Perspective

ThatDude here. Appreciate the thought, Deion, but I have plans of my own. I’ve got a bottle of chardonay, some classic vinyls on deck, and oysters that I personally dove down to the deepest waters in the Bermuda Triangle to collect. The captain of the boat said I was crazy if I dared to even venture, but I looked him in the eye and said “This is more than a matter of life and death. This is about Valentine’s Day.” For those who don’t know, oysters are an aphrodisiac.

As a dude who’s been in a relationship, I enjoy Valentine’s Day, in particular the gift-giving. During my taken years, I would sit up at night, thinking about clever gifts and even more clever ways to go about presenting those gifts. Now, I’m not trying to say that every gift the Dude gave was like opening a diamond-encrusted box containing the rights of ownership to the Walt Disney Parks, the Dude had his fair share of gift-giving gone wrong, but the Dude also has a pretty solid highlight reel. I once hid the lady’s gift in home-made Jell-O made from the finest store bought Jell-O mixes. Another instance, my personal favorite, I made a memory box and hand painted the cover of The Nightmare before Christmas on it. It was as if the hands of Pablo Picasso were guiding my strokes. The Louvre has approached me a couple times about the possibility of getting it for one of their exhibits, but I’ve declined countless of times. But back to the main message. Gift giving, albeit pretty materialistic up-front, is honestly a great experience. As cliché as it is, giving is more enjoyable than receiving. Seeing the smile that arises and the way their eyes light up when they open the mystery box makes the blood, sweat and tears worth it. Literally blood sometimes, I stabbed my hand pretty bad when chiseling a piece of wood into a heart. Not to mention, you also get a nice little present in return. Best gift I’ve ever gotten was NBA 2K14, It’s been 2 years and I still refuse to buy the new version. That game has pissed me off so many times with the bullshit that has occurred. For some reason, my 6’8 small forward (in other words, I modeled him after LeBron James) with a 99 Dunking ability and a 99 Vertical Leap, can’t dunk. It’s a big middle finger from 2K. But nonetheless, all those times I’ve thrown my remote, shut the TV off, and sat in the dark cursing out that game has made it even more sentimental.

The main part of Valentine’s Day, however, should be spending the day with the person, the gift giving should only be the side dish. What you do doesn’t have to be special on the surface, but it should have meaning within the relationship. If you two are huge movie-goers, go to the gas station, buy some candy, buy two $13 tickets, smuggle in the candy because you aren’t about that $5 for some Raisinets life and have fun. If you’re into foreplay and peepee touches, then fornicate like catholic bunnies. If you’re into nature, take them to a nature park with wild animals, lead them to pack of buffalo, and fend for your significant others lives with your own fists (maybe get a couple of scratches or broken legs too, you have to really sell this). I don’t know about you, but saving a person’s life is a pretty good gift. Not great, but it’s damn sure good (It’s also free, just saying).  When you’re coordinating the day, take time to think about everything. If you’re taking them to a movie because it’s easy then, bruh, come on. This isn’t about you, it’s about them, it’s about making them happy. Be creative. Be spontaneous. Show that you cared enough to put the effort in. Even if the plan doesn’t fall through and you end up at Taco Bell ordering 1 item to share off the $1 menu, if you put the effort in, and the relationship is true, they’ll appreciate the day. People say that Valentine’s Day was invented by corporations to sell more candy, cards and other gifts. Maybe (probably) was. Doesn’t matter, if you’re in a relationship, this is your day to celebrate. Be selfish. It isn’t about anyone else, it’s about your partner and your relationship. 

On another note, Valentine’s Day when the relationship is on the downhill is tough. It’s hard to be creative and put effort in when the passion and interest is declining. The last Valentine’s Day I spent with a partner ended uneasy. I had work that day, and closed, so I wasn’t able to get to her until about 11. In addition, I had just been accepted to the University of Florida, so we both knew that I was going away fairly soon. If there’s any day I remember more vividly, it’s this one. We got into a fight pretty quickly into the date and although we settled the argument, she left the car unhappy and I drove away the same. I wasn’t that into it anymore and she was reaching the same point. It feels forced if the passion is non-existent. You wanna go all-out because they’re still your significant other and you still care for them, but you know that it’s only an act. If you’re in this situation, it’s not easy. I’ve been through it and I still don’t know the right way to go about it. Breaking up before Valentine’s Day makes you look like a heartless troll. Breaking up on Valentine’s Day is just taboo af. You could put on a display and act like everything is fine, but then you’re just playing yourself and the partner. It’s not easy, but it’s a part of Valentine’s Day that often gets ignored. It’s usually, I’m alone and I hate this day, or I’m with someone and maybe there’s a slight issue, but generally, we’re both still into each other. If you’re in this spot, I wish I could give you advice, but there’s no easy way.  If I COULD say something, however, it’s that putting on a display and pretending, even if you want to believe that you could regain the feeling, only makes things more difficult for both parties in the end.