I was introduced to a new term today by my good friend, Deion. We were riding in his blue Corolla (as taken men, we have to ride in inconspicuous cars as to avoid the never ending admiration of our fans) when he brought up the term "Three-Month Growing Pains.” To those whose virginity of this word I'm about to take, basically it's a point in most relationships when you've passed the honeymoon phase and entered a new point where you start to realize things about your significant other that you'd be more than happy to go away with. I'm sure my ex is reading this right now, screaming a nice big "HA!" in agreement. That's fine, she won't be laughing when I gain enough popularity to advocate for more speed bumps in her residential community. Girl won't be able to get over 10 mph without a bump. Check and mate. Well, as some of you may or may not know, I recently entered a relationship of myself and wouldn't you know it, it appears that we're around our 3-month mark currently. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that our relationship is perfect. I've screwed up more times already than I can count on my toes and fingers, but there's no doubt in my mind that I'd rather occasionally argue with her than to be with someone else. The point of this post is to talk open and honestly about problems that all relationships encounter.
For the sake of the blog, I asked my girlfriend if she could please list some things about me that she found annoying. Unfortunately, she couldn't think of anything at the moment. Perhaps I really am just the perfect gentleman...HA! Nah, just playing, like I said above, I've made mistakes. Let me list off a few. Over this span, I've realized that I don't fare too well with honesty and that I tend to unintentionally say things that come across as hurtful because of a poor choice of words. With the honesty part, It's not that I go off kicking and screaming, but that my ego gets a shot and I get defensive rather than to understand her point of view. For the unintentional hurtfulness, we can be having a jolly ol' grand time and I say something in the moment and I end up unintentionally hurting her. Now my significant other, also has points about her that I am not too fond of. But, because I care about her (and also don't want to say the wrong thing and be sent to the dog house) I won't discuss here.
Now personally, I hate the three-month growing pains in a relationship and from my past experience, I know there will always be pet peeves about your significant other that you don't enjoy. Everything about a relationship is a process. And let me be honest with myself, I probably only know 5% of the process. Everything about a relationship is a learning experience, but although I may not know the other 95% of the relationship process, the 5% I do know is to learn from the three-month growing pains.
Many people like to believe that they know what they're looking for in a person. "Blue eyes, at least 6 feet, sensitive, fiscally responsible, likes Pokemon, etc..." Rarely, do people like to believe that they don't know what they're looking for. You know that Socrates' quote that science teachers like to bring up to encourage their students? "The only thing I know, is that I know nothing." Personally, that's how I feel most people are in searching for a relationship. You can have a check-list of what you believe to be is your perfect significant other, but even one of those boxes you thought you wanted, can end up to be something you rather not. "You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather" --Andre 3000. But now let me go back to how this ties in with the three-month growing pains and the problems that haunt any relationship. It is through these problems that you learn more in a time span than a 24-hour lecture with Stephen Hawking can teach you. You learn the never-ending process of what you enjoy in a relationship and what you don't enjoy. You how to cope with confrontation and disagreements. But most importantly, you learn that you aren't as damn perfect as you thought you were. You've got flaws. You've got imperfections. You've got problems. There's a much more different level of intimacy and understanding between a friend and a significant other. When your significant other tells you something about yourself compared to your friend, you take more to heart. It's hard to hear about your flaws from someone who's opinion you care deeply about, but it's something that as a human, you need to hear.
Now, there are going to be things that you simply cannot do anything about. That scar on your hand? Can't do anything about it. That bald spot you have on your head from a birthmark? Sorry Deion, nothing you can do there. But that difficulty handling honesty, that's something I can work on to improve myself and our relationship. It's something that I can build off of and something that I, a 20 year old male, wasn't aware of until I entered this three-month growing pains of my relationship. The three-month growing pains stage puts you in a vulnerable position to take a deep, hard look in the mirror. It's a time to learn and a time to grow. I can't help but have Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" play in my head right now.
Deion here. Thanks for having me again, Dude. It’s always a pleasure. As some of you may know, I too am in a relationship and our 4 month-iversary is approaching very soon. ThatDude and I are both taken men right now, happy as clams in loving relationships. The difference between us is this is my first rodeo.These “Growing Pains” are something that I wasn’t aware of and did not prepare for. It’s no problem because Sunshine and I are doing well and in the name of the wise Kanye West “I’d rather argue with you than to be with someone else.”
With all respect to Sunshine
The Three Month Growing Pains are a sucky, sucky point in a relationship, but they’re needed. From the Seventeen magazine articles I’ve read during work, the Three Month Growing Pains don’t determine whether or not you two will make it from here on out. But you need them to see how you and your significant other will manage with the bumps along the road.
Think of LeBron when he first joined the Heat. Remember how great that was for the Heat Nation? Remember the ceremony and the promise of championships? Remember the blissful photo shoots and alley oops? What happened in the Finals during the first season of the Big Three? Disaster… but what happened afterwards? Back to back championships, a Harlem Shake video, a 27 game winning streak, and enough alley oops to make up a near 15-minute compilation video on YouTube.
This is the best possible route that a relationship can take during the Growing Pains.
The worst route? Think of the 2012 L.A. Lakers when Dwight Howard and Steve Nash joined. Remember how promising that looked? Remember how Laker fans acted like the Larry O’Brien trophy should just be delivered to them so that the parade could start a year early? What happened during that season? Turmoil, arguments on and off the court and a first-round exit in the playoffs with Dwight getting ejected in his last game in a Laker uniform.
That summer Dwight left and set his eyes on Houston, where he also went through Hell and left.
If you and your significant other really love each other and are determined to make things work, you’ll be like the Big Three era Miami Heat. If things aren’t working out and you two decide to part ways, you’ll be like the 2012 Lakers. Both teams experienced a honeymoon phase until it came time to figure out how to work the kinks out. The difference lies in how they bounced back.
Whether you stay together or sever ties the Three Month Growing Pains will teach you a lot about yourselves and each other.
Deion Out.
ThatDude back in. Can we take a moment to applaud Deion, that might have been one of his best pieces I've seen from him. I can't help but feel like a rapper being out-versed by a feat. on his own song.
Anyway, I want to leave you with this parting message. Once past the honeymoon phase, disagreements are going to be part of a relationship, but as long as you two continue to enjoy each other's company and the memories that are made together, the two of you will be fine. As for Deion and me (And I'm speaking on behalf of Deion here, Sunshine) our relationships may not be all roses and dandelions, but when their names get brought up, we can't help but smile, because they do make us happy.
