Alright sports fans, it’s fair to say that it’s been a hiatus since ThatDude last spoke, especially when it comes down to sports. ThatDude was feeling sentimental, let a man have his feelings, but now you can grab your foam fingers, your drink hats and any other useless sports crap that we buy as you read this because “ThatDude Talks Sports” is back.
Last night, I fell asleep to the sounds of my beloved Miami Marlins winning their 5th game in a row after a HORRID 2-8 stretch. I was on a rare cloud 9 in a sky filled with turbulent thunder clouds in the sky overcasting the Marlins history. Things were starting to look up, but looks like the baseball gods had better ideas for me. Fuck us Marlins fans, am I right?
The Marlins won a little bit past one last night, with it being a “Late Night with the Fish” game in Los Angeles. At around 1:45 I decided to go to bed. If I had waited 5 more minutes, my heart would have been broken sooner, rather than going to bed with this fake ass hope optimism that things are starting to turn up “Marlins.” Right when I woke up, I saw a text from my good friend saying that “Dee Gordon is a big loss.” First thought? “What the fuck is this guy talking about?” Then I went on Instagram and saw all these comments on the Marlins IG post about their win talking about Dee Gordon. Then I got suspicious. Did Stanton topple over Dee Gordon and flattened him out like “Flat Stanley”? Did Dee get traded by the Marlins for a free buffet dinner and a lap dance at a sleazy strip club? All those possibilities seemed more plausible than what I was about to encounter. Dee “Flash” Gordon was banned 80 games for using PEDs. Let me rephrase that. Dee Gordon, a 5’11 and 171 pound second baseman, who’s lucky to hit 2 outside the park homeruns a year and who relies on his blazing speed to get hits, used PEDs. I loved this dude, he was one of my favorite players. Speed kills and nothing is more exhilarating than watching him scatter around the bases for an inside the park homerun. Dee claims that he took something “unknowingly”, but what athlete caught for PEDs hasn’t ingested a PED “unknowingly”. I’m not claiming that he’s lying, but it’s getting ridiculous at this point. I also want to point out that this is the second time in less than a year that a beloved athlete of mine broke my heart with such accusations, the first being former UF quarterback Will Grier.
Although I’m still hurting from the news and feel betrayed, this post isn’t about Dee. The marlins will recover and do fine without him. Of course, it’s a huge loss of our All-Star, but during our win streak, he’s kind of been trash (batting .219 in the last 7 days). This post is about Barry “Home-Run King*” Bonds (note the asterisk). More than I feel for Dee, I feel absolutely terrible for Barry. How unfortunate is it that well early into his first year as the Marlins batting coach, a player under his guidance gets caught ingesting PEDs. Bonds has become the official unofficial face the steroid age in baseball. When he was hired, the Marlins social media pages where fluttered with comments about how “Bonds was going to teach Giancarlo how to juice.” Now, with the news of Gordon, their social media pages are filled with comments trying to create a connection between the two. Chicago has the Billy Goat for their 100+ year World Series drought and it appears that the Marlins now have the Barry ScapeGoat. This is absolutely an unfair accusation to be placed on Barry. In the short time that he’s been a part of the Marlins association, he appears to very invested into his players, often the first to congratulate a player after hitting a homerun. When a struggling Ozuna hit his first homerun of the season, Bonds was out of the dugout ready to give his player his congrats (see above).
Although it is still way too premature to evaluate his performance, I appreciate the effort it appears he’s put in and am excited to see the progression in these young Marlins hitters. There’s no question that some of Barry’s stats should be looked upon with a suspicious eye. It’s unfortunate that one of the greatest hitters to ever play the game had been juicing. But juicing can only get you so far, and buddy sure knew how to swing a stick. Barry made a mistake, but he isn’t a dumbass. At the end of the day, it was Dee’s decision to knowingly or unknowingly ingest whatever he did, but Barry wasn’t escorting this man to the bathroom and shuffling him goods between stalls. Dee Gordon is a grown ass man capable of making his own damn decisions. In the meantime, Barry has a job to do. Hopefully, by the end of this mess, the Marlins will become a potent offensive team and after each homerun, thank the man by walking up to him, saying “And here’s another hit, Barry Bonds.”
