Valentine's Day Through the Rose Colored Glass

It’s February 14, 2016, and that can only mean one thing. Today is that dreaded holiday that seemingly every single person in the world despises. Despised so much that a new tradition called “Galentine’s Day” has been invented to help take salt off the wound. I don’t understand the big problem with Valentine’s day. Personally, I love it, even as a single bachelor living in his 3rd floor pent-dorm mansion with one twin size bed, a mini-fridge that barely has enough room to chill my water bottles, and a sink that no matter what I do, gets cluttered with my beautification supplies. ThatDude takes his time to get ready for the day. There’s nothing more that I enjoy more than walking past a couple of beautiful women, turning around and seeing them faint at the sight of my 5’9 frame and Caribbean blood. Valentine’s Day is a fun holiday if you look at it through the rose-colored glasses. My good friend Deion, from In the Mix with Deion A. Sainvil, and I are going to tackle on Valentine’s Day from both the taken and single perspective.

Single Perspective

Deion here. Valentine’s Day has always been a special day to me. Not special in the way that Kanye’s impending album release date is special (Please man, stop playing games with us and release it), but in the sense that I make note of when it’s coming. Your boy hasn’t been tied down ever since he and Chantelle kissed each other during recess back in ‘99. So I’ve spent many a V-Days as a bachelor. Being single on Valentine’s Day is like being a Jew during Christmas-time. I don’t understand the songs, I have no use for the ornaments and the traditions are foreign to me. It’s simply a day that a majority celebrates and I’m just there with my hands in my pockets like “Yeah, that seems cool, I guess.”

It has it’s pros and cons. The obvious pro is that it saves me money (Dude chipping in on this real quick, it’s true. I’ve saved 15% or more by switching to single on Valentine’s Day). The con...well, there really aren’t any if you think about it. Let me explain. This ties in with today’s hook-up culture.

Papa Sainvil recently dropped a bomb on me when he said “Valentine’s Day is for couples. Don’t go making big plans on big days for people you’re only talking to. It freaks them out.”

Let me reiterate what my father said, Valentine’s Day is for COU-PLES. Meaning friends with benefits, people you’re talking to and everyone in between aren’t and shouldn’t be expecting anything. In the words of my roommate, “just vibe.” I am yet to find a Hallmark Card saying “On this Special Day, to my Special Friend...with benefits.” I’ve seen it already, plenty of the attractive women who want to come back into my life are on Twitter and IG posting things about how they want the pipe on V-Day. If you’re single and have a few hook-ups in your contacts, you can easily hit one of them up for a quick fling. Hell, if you plan it right, you can Netflix and Chill with multiple people throughout the day. They know when that hotline blings it can only mean one thing.

Some of you might be reading this thinking, “Wow, what a misogynistic thing to do. Only a fuckboy would do that.” Cut the crap. This is something that women and men do. You know it, I know it. The difference is in how it is executed. Men talk more and let their moves be known, women creep on the low and only chirp to a few nests. ThatDude and I are in college now. We know how it goes. The days of Valentine’s Grams are over. Now it’s about pregnancy scares and fearful visits to the doctor.

Maybe I took it too far there, but my main message is this: when you’re young and single, V-Day is about sex and a little companionship. If you haven’t already established a good relationship, don’t push for it today. Meaning there is no need to plan out anything with that cute so and so you’re getting to know unless you two are already in an agreed upon relationship.

Valentine’s Day can either be a pleasant day of surprise and affection or it can be a dreaded day of obligatory action—kinda like jury duty. I have enough friends in relationships and I’ve bagged groceries for enough couples to know what this day means to them. Some look at V-Day and get all starry eyed saying the effort and romance should be their every day. Some roll their eyes and think of the money they’re gonna spend. And others simply shrug their shoulders and think of it as a manufactured holiday. I’m not saying V-Day sucks, I’m saying that it’s not as beloved and welcomed as I once assumed.

If you’re single and your phone’s dry, then damn. Sucks to be you. I know, I was there. This year is different. I had tickets to fly out to Vegas and meet with some of my West Coast shorties, but your boy is working. Closing shift to be exact. So while I could be nestled up in a heart-shaped bed, eating imported grapes from my private vineyard in Puglia, Italy with a few beauts, I’ll be bagging groceries and cleaning. It’s okay though, I already requested the time off for my birthday so Summer ‘16 it’s gonna be popping. Dude, I’d give my ticket to you, but I’m not one to share. Plus, I’m sure you have an exam to study for on Monday, Mr. Bio major.

Taken Perspective

ThatDude here. Appreciate the thought, Deion, but I have plans of my own. I’ve got a bottle of chardonay, some classic vinyls on deck, and oysters that I personally dove down to the deepest waters in the Bermuda Triangle to collect. The captain of the boat said I was crazy if I dared to even venture, but I looked him in the eye and said “This is more than a matter of life and death. This is about Valentine’s Day.” For those who don’t know, oysters are an aphrodisiac.

As a dude who’s been in a relationship, I enjoy Valentine’s Day, in particular the gift-giving. During my taken years, I would sit up at night, thinking about clever gifts and even more clever ways to go about presenting those gifts. Now, I’m not trying to say that every gift the Dude gave was like opening a diamond-encrusted box containing the rights of ownership to the Walt Disney Parks, the Dude had his fair share of gift-giving gone wrong, but the Dude also has a pretty solid highlight reel. I once hid the lady’s gift in home-made Jell-O made from the finest store bought Jell-O mixes. Another instance, my personal favorite, I made a memory box and hand painted the cover of The Nightmare before Christmas on it. It was as if the hands of Pablo Picasso were guiding my strokes. The Louvre has approached me a couple times about the possibility of getting it for one of their exhibits, but I’ve declined countless of times. But back to the main message. Gift giving, albeit pretty materialistic up-front, is honestly a great experience. As cliché as it is, giving is more enjoyable than receiving. Seeing the smile that arises and the way their eyes light up when they open the mystery box makes the blood, sweat and tears worth it. Literally blood sometimes, I stabbed my hand pretty bad when chiseling a piece of wood into a heart. Not to mention, you also get a nice little present in return. Best gift I’ve ever gotten was NBA 2K14, It’s been 2 years and I still refuse to buy the new version. That game has pissed me off so many times with the bullshit that has occurred. For some reason, my 6’8 small forward (in other words, I modeled him after LeBron James) with a 99 Dunking ability and a 99 Vertical Leap, can’t dunk. It’s a big middle finger from 2K. But nonetheless, all those times I’ve thrown my remote, shut the TV off, and sat in the dark cursing out that game has made it even more sentimental.

The main part of Valentine’s Day, however, should be spending the day with the person, the gift giving should only be the side dish. What you do doesn’t have to be special on the surface, but it should have meaning within the relationship. If you two are huge movie-goers, go to the gas station, buy some candy, buy two $13 tickets, smuggle in the candy because you aren’t about that $5 for some Raisinets life and have fun. If you’re into foreplay and peepee touches, then fornicate like catholic bunnies. If you’re into nature, take them to a nature park with wild animals, lead them to pack of buffalo, and fend for your significant others lives with your own fists (maybe get a couple of scratches or broken legs too, you have to really sell this). I don’t know about you, but saving a person’s life is a pretty good gift. Not great, but it’s damn sure good (It’s also free, just saying).  When you’re coordinating the day, take time to think about everything. If you’re taking them to a movie because it’s easy then, bruh, come on. This isn’t about you, it’s about them, it’s about making them happy. Be creative. Be spontaneous. Show that you cared enough to put the effort in. Even if the plan doesn’t fall through and you end up at Taco Bell ordering 1 item to share off the $1 menu, if you put the effort in, and the relationship is true, they’ll appreciate the day. People say that Valentine’s Day was invented by corporations to sell more candy, cards and other gifts. Maybe (probably) was. Doesn’t matter, if you’re in a relationship, this is your day to celebrate. Be selfish. It isn’t about anyone else, it’s about your partner and your relationship. 

On another note, Valentine’s Day when the relationship is on the downhill is tough. It’s hard to be creative and put effort in when the passion and interest is declining. The last Valentine’s Day I spent with a partner ended uneasy. I had work that day, and closed, so I wasn’t able to get to her until about 11. In addition, I had just been accepted to the University of Florida, so we both knew that I was going away fairly soon. If there’s any day I remember more vividly, it’s this one. We got into a fight pretty quickly into the date and although we settled the argument, she left the car unhappy and I drove away the same. I wasn’t that into it anymore and she was reaching the same point. It feels forced if the passion is non-existent. You wanna go all-out because they’re still your significant other and you still care for them, but you know that it’s only an act. If you’re in this situation, it’s not easy. I’ve been through it and I still don’t know the right way to go about it. Breaking up before Valentine’s Day makes you look like a heartless troll. Breaking up on Valentine’s Day is just taboo af. You could put on a display and act like everything is fine, but then you’re just playing yourself and the partner. It’s not easy, but it’s a part of Valentine’s Day that often gets ignored. It’s usually, I’m alone and I hate this day, or I’m with someone and maybe there’s a slight issue, but generally, we’re both still into each other. If you’re in this spot, I wish I could give you advice, but there’s no easy way.  If I COULD say something, however, it’s that putting on a display and pretending, even if you want to believe that you could regain the feeling, only makes things more difficult for both parties in the end.

Me, Myself and Why

          “Your twenties are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time and all the aspects of you. Tinker with stuff, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little and never touch the ground.”

          Recently, I was approached with this concept of your 20’s being your selfish year in a place that any WiseDude would find inspirational quotes…Instagram. This quote in particular, however, resonated with me. Are the 20’s really a time about selfishness? Is this the time, more than others, to put yourself first? Well, after a long hard thought process that included bubble baths with scented candles and deep thought sessions as I smoke a pipe and readjust my monocle, I’ve reached a verdict. Until my early 20’s are over, I will be ThatSelfishDude. It’s going to be me, myself and here’s why. Ha! Puns, I love them (and if you don’t, too bad, ThatDude likes them).

          Last December, YourDude turned 20. It was a great birthday, to be frank. Nothing special. I had some imported Italian red wine aged 200 years served to me in the Holy Grail. Later that day, I went to the Miami Heat game and sat next to my good friend DJ Khaled. Buddy kept Snapchatting about some key, though. I just wanted to watch the game. Simple birthday, pretty relaxed. The quote resonated with me for this reason, however. I had just turned 20. I’m not going to be in my 20s forever. Is this really the time for me to do all the stuff I ever wanted to? If I'm going to be 20, I need to do this right.

          Your 20s are sometimes called “prime time”. You’re way past the childhood stage of Aunt Jemima pinching your cheeks and saying “just how cute you are” and other family members asking gawking about “how much they’ve grown” since the weeks they’ve seen you. You’ve muscled your way through those terrible years they call “puberty” and “middle school.” I don’t remember much about my middle school years, but I once entered the deep depths of Facebook and found statuses from those years that make present day Dude ashamed. Here, *sighs* are some of them.

Yes, because the world wanted a summary of what you were doing.

*Deep sigh* I hate how "you are" hair feels? Come on, man. Get it together!!

Theres a 100% chance I didn't know what this quote was referring to.

          Just look at that status. It’s safe to say that at that point in time, I was not “ThatDude”.  I still had so many things to learn. On the bright side, I’ve been representing the Gator Nation for quite some time. Something that two of my friends at FSU (you know who you are) can say. Go Gators!

     
           I could roast PubescentDude for ages, don’t get me wrong, but let’s get back to the question at hand, shall we. Your 20s are the time for you, more than ever, to be you. You’ve payed your dues and learned your lessons to get to this point. You also either at, or approaching your peak physical prowess. Take full advantage, because your 20s is when you start chiseling out your identity.

As I stated, when you’re in your 20, you’re entering prime time. You’re reaching, or are at the peak of your physical prowess. You’re still stupid, but dammit, that stupidity leads to curiosity and that’s what makes these years great. On top of that, generally speaking, the only ones that you need to care for are yourselves. Little SaintDudeWest and NorthDudetteWest still haven’t entered the picture. Add in that dash of selfishness I’m about to speak of and you have the perfect recipe to learn yourself.

          Your 20’s should be your “selfish” years. This is the best time for you to focus on yourself and do things you’ve wanted to do. Forget calling it “prime time”, your 20’s are “Bucket List” time. You want to own a baby orangutan? Then dammit, you go out and own that baby orangutan! You want to sky dive? Go out there, spend the hundreds of dollars, cry because you checked your bank account right after, and enjoy the ride. Hey, nobody said being selfish is cheap, but boy will it be fun. Do things you thought you wouldn’t do in a million years. Explore different aspects of yourself. Currently, ThatDude is taking an acting class for non-majors. For those who don’t know me, I’m generally a shy guy. I don’t like putting myself out there and try to avoid being put on the spot. I needed to explore, however. I needed to try something new and discover the ThespianDude. Albeit, I’ve taken the class for less than 4 weeks, I’ve already gotten a lot more comfortable when it comes to public speaking. Give me 2 more weeks and you’ll be seeing me in the movies. Give me one more year and I’ll be accepting my Oscar as I look Leonardo DiCapio dead in the eye. When I tell people that I’m taking this class, as a dude on the pre-med track, they look at me questionably. Fortunately for me, I’m not doing this for them I’m doing this for me (and all my future patients who I’m going to dish out invitations for my community play to). Feel free to do these random activities. Some things you’ll enjoy that you thought you wouldn’t, other things you’ll straight up hate them and think “Brain, what are you doing?” But hey, even if you do hate them, you have a good story for your grandchildren to not listen to. The experiences you can gain by living an active 20s can be invaluable.
Travel to different places. Whether they be out of the country, within the country, or within the county, travel to new places. In the short time I have left at UF, I’ve made it a mission to explore the vast nature grounds surrounding the “city” (Is Gainesville really a city? It’s basically a college campus with some houses on the outside). The person who inspired this blog post spent her New Years in London and is going to Chicago soon (low-key shout-out to bring back a rock). Travelling garnishes new experiences. Your 20s are the perfect time for you to travel to new locations. Nobody has a dependency on you and you have a dependency on no one else. You have the freedom to go to these locations and choose how you wish to spend your time there. The schedule card is in your hands. Overall, I could go on forever in ways you can be “selfish” in your 20s, but the main idea is to do things for you. Don’t do things because you feel obligated to. Everything you do, do it with passion, with interest, with energy. Make your 20s memorable. Eventually, you aren’t going to be able to be selfish anymore. People will become dependent on you and you’ll have to take their best interest before yours. Discussing that will be a time for later, but for now, it’s all about “me, myself, and I.” and finding out who they are

          Before I let you go, I want to make it clear that there’s a difference with living your 20’s “selfishly” and just being a dick. Your 20’s isn’t going to be 100% free of dependency. People at all points in your life will depend on you eventually. Be there for them if they need it. I shouldn’t even have to be saying this but I don’t want angry emails saying “your entrancing writing and skills in persuasion have turned poor Henry into Kanye.”

Dedication

This blog post goes out to the inspiration behind this post and the person who brought the quote to my attention. She recently turned 20, so everyone wish this person a "Happy Birthday" and let her 20's be as "selfish" as they come. Happy Birthday, flower child.

My SweetHeart

Most people find their first love in their late teens to twenties. More even find it later on. Very few find their first love at such a young age. I was one of the few. I was a lucky one. This is the story of how a 10 year old boy fell in love.

It wasn’t supposed to go down the way it happened. My parents didn’t send me there with the idea I’ll find the one I want to spend my entire life with. But plans don’t always go the way they’re supposed to, do they?

The plan was for me to go north to visit my sister for a couple of days. She had just recently moved to a new place and was looking for some family to make the transition easier. I was ecstatic. Even though she was older than me by 8 years, I taught her everything she knows. I’d never forget the day she saw me take my first steps and thought “wow, you see, I’ve been walking wrong my whole life.” I was ready to see how my teachings translated away from home. So when I heard I was being summoned for duty, I packed up my gear and prepared for the rigorous venture that included a 5-hour bus ride filled with the sickly coughs and beady eyes. It was right when I got off the bus that I first saw her. The sun was beginning to fall as orange began to cover the last shades of blue. She was unlike anything I had seen before, completely breathtaking. I just knew I had to be with her. Maybe not now, but one day, I knew she had to be mine. She had an aura about her. Her aesthetic beauty stuck with me the whole time on the trip and for the years after that she would consume my brain. Everything about her said I’m a class act, but to say that she wasn’t sexy wouldn’t do her justice at all. She was the one. She’s was what people dream about, but I yet was not ready for her, for I was still a boy and she was a woman.

I had a duty tasked upon me, so sadly, I was not able to gawk at the beauty that was blessed on me, but I promised myself that I would see her again.

When I got back from my trip, I learned that this beautiful being that I had fallen in love with happened to be quite famous. Many people adored her…many people deplored her. The fact that anyone could see anything wrong was a shock to me, but I understood. It’s like that sometimes, life can be ridiculous. There was one woman who had it in for her. I believe she was of Seminole descent, somewhere along those lines. My girl could have revived John Lennon back from the dead and she would still have scoffed at her. My girl could do no right in her eyes. In her eyes, my girl was arrogant, pretentious, and inferior. The blood was and still is bad between these two. But, for as many people that disliked her, there were just as many that wanted her just like me. I knew if I was going to get her, I would have to work hard to become the man she was looking for. As a result, that’s exactly what I did. Every day was spent on making myself better, making myself more competitive so that in a couple years I could show up on her doorstep and say “this is me, either take it or leave it.” In high school, I went in every day to take care of business and get done what I needed to do. I wanted to learn as much as I could so I could be closer to getting her. She was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of before I went to bed. In high school I knew that I would be with her for good soon. I didn’t know when, but in my junior year, I ran into her again and she still looked as stunning as the day I first met her. It was as if she hadn’t aged a bit. I introduced my friends to her, but they didn’t see what I could. They had different interests, but that didn’t affect me. I wanted her for me.

Come senior year, I knew I was ready. I put the work in that was necessary and became the man that you were looking for. All that was left was for you to take me in. I sent you a letter explain to you who I was and everything I had to offer. I told you “Hey, this is me, and I’m really interested in you. I want you, I guess what I want to know is if you want me too?” On Valentine’s Day in 2014, I got a response. I was accepted into the University of Florida.

In about a month it will be our 2-year anniversary and I cannot be happier. I knew when I first met her that she was perfect for me and I haven’t been disappointed in the least bit. That’s not to say that everything is perfect. Sometimes things get tough. She also places a great deal of stress on me. Sometimes I feel that she expects too much out of me and that I’ll just disappoint her. But I know what she’s doing. She’s challenging me to become even better than what I became to get to her. She knows that she sadly won’t be able to be a big part of my life forever. There will be one day that we will have to go our separate ways. What she wants, is for when that day arrives, for me to be ready. To be ready to take on what the world will throw on me. To take on any circumstance and obstacle that may come my path. Although our relationship may still be relatively short, I know what I already have learned more with her than I could with anyone else and I’m excited to see what else she has in store. But until that day comes in which you will throw me back into the world, I’m going to enjoy the time we do have. I thank you, my dear, beautiful University. Go Gators.

ThatDude Gets Sentimental: Relationships and Breakups

Excerpt From:

Your Bitter is My Sweet 

By: Chloe Mitchell

Things used to be, now they not

Anything but us is who we are

Disguising ourselves as secret lovers

We've become public enemies

We walk away like strangers in the street

Gone for eternity

We erased one another

So far from where we came

With so much of everything

How do we leave with nothing?

(L)ack (O)f (V)isual (E)mpathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E

(H)atred and (A)ttitude (T)ear us (E)ntirely

I’m going to be straight with you guys. This won’t be a blog post, this pretty much will be a rant about something that’s been keeping me hostage for some time. ThatDude’s gonna get sentimental for a minute. I’m gonna talk about relationships and breakups.

The Pre-Relationship

Let’s start off with the relationship, shall we. When a relationship is beginning to flower it truly is a great experience. Butterflies engulf your stomach at the mere thought of the significant other. You stare down your phone waiting for the anticipated response, and if a response takes some time, it’s the most agonizing moment of your life. I remember when I first told a girl, let’s call her Ariel, I liked her through text. I tossed my phone as soon as I hit sent, ran downstairs and played basketball until I was sure that a response must have arrived. In case you’re wondering how that played out for me, I got hit with “I like you as a friend” bullshit, but that didn’t hold ThatDude down. To him that was “alright, I see you, you just need some more time to marinate in my personality and smell the whiff of my charm.” Within a couple of months, I exchanged that friend card for an all-access exclusive boyfriend card but let’s not skip ahead. When you’re in the “flirting” process, you’re walking on eggshells. You need to play your cards right. You can afford the occasional screw-up, but if you gamble at the wrong time, you might as well fold your cards and find a new table. You can’t seem too eager, but you also can’t seem disinterested. When I was talking to the aforementioned girl above, when that phone vibrated with a text, my face lit up. I would yell “YEAHHHHHH” to the top of my lungs and then patiently sit for two minutes until I would respond. To be honest, I would have my responses done pretty quickly after the text, but my thumb was slow as hell to hit that send button. Texting, however, is only half of the equation. The other half is face to face interaction. Looking back, I was pretty damn awkward when first interacting with Ariel. To be fair, I had her ex breathing over my shoulder like a hound and trying to cause shit, but still, I could have been more suave. One instance makes me laugh to this day. She told me “I want a surprise hug one day.” In my head, I was thinking “what the hell is a surprise hug? This girl want me to hide inside a cake and pop out, I don’t know.” But ThatDude played it cool and told her that he has it covered. No problemo. And then walks away, back towards her, with his face looking like a puzzled Charlie Brown character. After hours of interpreting what that could mean, I went for it. I saw her talking to her group of friends, and I walked up behind her, doing all I could to not get her attention and when I finally did, wrapped my arms around her. Now everything I did was fine, it was smooth, calm, and cool. But boy that hug was awkward. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and close to her neck like I was about to take her down. I made a slight mistake, but it wasn’t bad enough to cause any real damage. It was like taking a math test and taking one route when you should have taken another, but still getting the right answer. The flirting stage is an awkward one, and you will look back on it as to “what was I thinking/doing”, but boy is it a fun stage as well.

The Relationship

Now let’s enter the actual relationship. I don’t know about you, but establishing the relationship “as a relationship” is weird. “Will you be my girl/boyfriend?” is about the weirdest question to ask. It doesn’t flow out of the tongue nicely, in addition to the fact that it isn’t exactly an easy question to ask. Fun fact, when I asked a girl to be my girlfriend (even typing that just felt wrong, can we think of a new way to go about this?) it was at her grandfather’s retirement home. Sexy, right? Going to have to copyright that scene before Nicholas Sparks gets a hold of it. To everyone out there, let this be a word of a warning: A SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS NOT CHEAP. Especially if you’re still in school, there are so many holidays that require a present, in addition to the random gifts that you give because you want to make them happy. And that’s just gifts, then you’ve got the dates. I was lucky. Ariel was not high maintenance. Denny’s and a movie that she seemed to always have a free ticket for were enough to satisfy. Hell, for our 2-year anniversary I took her out to a nice dinner at Taco Bell. They used the finest fake meat available in combination with perfectly stale tortillas, with tomatoes that contain enough GMO’s to last you a lasttime! (Long story, I had a big romantic dinner planned out, but as they say, shit happens). But even with that, she was perfectly happy. Other people aren’t as lucky. So word of warning, if you’re going to enter a relationship, you better be in the Steady Income Club. All relationships have a time period called the “honeymoon” phase. Basically, your world revolves around them (Fuck the sun, right?). They are the first thing you think of in the morning, the last thing you think of before you fall asleep, and everything you see reminds you of them. “Omg, a shoe, *insert name of significant other* also wears shoes*. To people around you, this is annoying. To people who had just broken up, they want to tear you to pieces. But to those in the phase, it is one of the better moments of life and something everyone should experience. I would think about Ariel every living second during this stage. There was one day where we talked on the phone with each other for 8 hours. Just thinking about that makes my mouth dry and begging for a glass of water. Enjoy this moment, it lasts different lengths of time for different relationships, but it will not last. After this stage, and if the relationship is still going strong, you still care deeply about the person and you spend most of your day thinking about them, but fights begin to happen. This is something I really want to talk about: meeting the parents. That is one of the more stressful environments that you can be placed into, especially a boyfriend meeting the girlfriend’s dad. They know how most young boys are. Doesn’t even matter if you have the purest intentions, to them, you are a person putting your dirty fingerprints all over their prized possession. Despite this, you need to put on an impressive display for the in-laws, and keep that display going for the length of the relationship. If they don’t like you, they can make your relationship a living hell. If they like you, you’ve got some elbow space, but you still, and will always be walking on eggshells. I had an interesting relationship with my in-laws. It started off well, remained pretty good for most of the relationship, and plummeted fast within the dying months. I always had a tough time getting along with the dad. He was a very strict fellow, and that was cute when were still fairly young, but as we got older, I felt like he wouldn’t give any more freedom. Ariel was extremely into Disney and I know Disney has a thing with girls being locked in towers, but damn, that’s fantasy. I honestly felt like I was slaying a dragon and climbing a 200ft tall building just to get to her. When we first started dating, There was one time where her father was purchasing some chairs on Craigslist and he needed to go meet with the person selling. At the time, I was over their house and it was just me, Ariel and her father. So that we wouldn’t be alone in the house together while he retrieved the chairs, he took me along . . . just me and him . . . on an awkward 20 minute drive with sad attempts from both parties to make small talk. “So… you see the game last night?” I get it, you don’t want us to be alone in the house, that’s obvious and a given, but could your daughter at least have come. I would have also GLADLY stayed outside in the house while you and Ariel went. It was just an awkward experience. I also remember another time where we kissed and he happened to see and I hear the agonizing groan of “OMG, Ariel!” come from her dad. I get it, she’s your daughter. I respect that, but give me some wiggle room, dammit! I dated Ariel for close to 3 years, the amount of times she went to my house I could count on two hands. In addition, many of those times that she did come over, I had to either pick her up and/or drop her off, while for me, I was on my own for 90% of the times. Her mother was a lot more liberal. She was fine with us kissing (she caught us making out more often than not and was pretty chill about it), and generally was pretty cool. On top of that, that woman could cook her ass off. Honestly, I was lucky with her mom because she made the in-law relationship a lot easier. Mrs. Ariel, if you’re reading this, I miss your queso dip. I just had one instance that irked me with her and goes back to the idea that a parent can make or break your relationship. After graduating high school, we went to different colleges 5 hours apart, so the long distance thing came about. We were having major problems and she wanted to end things. She sent a text to me basically saying that we’re done, but I was like “girl, it’s been more than 2 years, you’re not doing this through text.” So I traveled 5 hours just to get dumpedJ. Anyway, before I did, I sent a text to her mom saying I was coming down and hoping to surprise her daughter so we could talk (this was before she basically ended it through text). I did not get a reply until the day after we broke up. The text basically said sorry that her daughter and I broke up, wishes me success, but also wishes I did things differently. For example, the last text I sent her was rude, that I was demanding to see her daughter. I was at my bro’s house when she sent this and honestly I was livid. I looked back at that text and saw that I wrote “I am asking for your permission to see her, I don’t want to show up to your house unannounced” (Most likely not verbatim, but fairly close enough). So, to defend myself, I responded saying that I specifically remember asking her permission, but that I am sorry if I came off as rude, it wasn’t my intention, and that it was a misunderstanding. She responds with, and this is verbatim, “. . . let’s just call it a misunderstanding then.” IT FRAKING WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING, WHAT DO YOU MEAN “CALL?” It may be hard to see what’s wrong with what she said, but there was a tone in the text, especially if you knew the mother, you would understand. I’m not trying to say Ariel’s parents, or in-law parents are bad people and are just hell, they’re good people, but you aren’t always going to get along with them, but at the end of the day, they’ll always be with your significant other. You have to learn to live with them. I made plenty of mistakes on this part, but it happens. If you do the same, you learn from it for your next relationship. For the most part, asides from parents and the honeymoon phase, a relationship is two people who genuinely enjoy being with each other. Each other’s company is welcomed with open arms and looked forward to. When you’re alone, you crave to be with them. When you are trying something new, you want them to be part of the experience. When something exciting happens, they are the first you want to share the news with. There are times still where something exciting happens to me and I think “I really would like to tell Ariel about it” but can’t. That’s what a relationship is about. It’s about sharing new experiences. It’s the definition of “Oh, what a time to be alive.”

The Breakup

When you stop enjoying each other’s company, however, that’s when things begin to fail and the breakup is looming. A breakup is probably the toughest thing to go through. In “Heartless” by Kanye West, he says “you’re bringing out a side of me that I don’t know.” While going through my breakup, I would scream that line. I was doing shit I would never normally do, and look back today like “what was I thinking?” You say things you don’t mean, you do things irrationally, and you’re just generally petty as fuck. Chance’s verse in “Baby Blue” sums up the pettiness. “I hope you never get off Fridays, and work at a Friday’s that’s always busy on Fridays.” Emotion unchecked can become a dangerous thing. A breakup is like a snicker’s commercial. You’re not you when you’re going through a breakup, get a hobby. A breakup is simply a petty fuckfest (on both sides). I was petty. I burned one of the letters that I wrote to her but never got to give her. (Fun Fact: that letter ended up burning into the shape of a heart. I snapped a video of it to my 3 bros and they each responded “bro, that’s a heart. Lmao”) She did petty things. There’s a snapchat called “beautyandEddie.” Referring back to what I said about her being a Disney fanatic, she’s basically saying “I’m a beast.” It’s just part of the game. Pay no attention to it. She texted my bro once saying that he’s a great writer and that I’m “okay.” It hit a nerve and I let it get to me. I didn’t explicitly call her out, but on my IG bio I said “More than an okay writer.” Nothing too bad, didn’t mention anything that it was directly about her, but she saw it. After I cooled off, I deleted that from my bio, and hoped that she didn’t see it, but she did and I looked weak. Don’t let things get to you, shrug it off. Now at some point, one of the two will enter a new relationship before the other. To the person still single, this will sting. You will feel like a swarm of bees just enclosed your body and stung you at once. You are going to feel betrayed, and hurt. By the way you act, a person who didn’t know the situation would think the world was coming to a close. It will suck, and it will hurt for a long time. In my case, it’s been close to a year and I’m still hurting. Don’t confront them about it, it’ll only make things worse. I made that mistake. Ariel and I officially broke up on December 17^th, 2014. On March 17^th, 2015, I found out she was dating someone new. I was hurt. We were close to dating for 3 years and within 3 months you have someone new? That killed me. I called her. I wanted answers, I wanted closure. I asked her who he was and she told me that they’ve been talking recently and only gone out for one date. I got some answers, but obviously I was still unhappy. Let’s fast forward a month when I Facebook stalked the new kid. I’m not ashamed to say it, I did it, and if anyone says they haven’t done research on their ex’s new one is most likely lying. Turns out that they had been dating since Valentine’s Day. This leads to the conclusion that A) Ariel had lied to me, B) she moved on a lot sooner than I originally had thought and C) Either she started dating this kid pretty damn quickly after meeting him or they were talking while we were still technically a thing and having problems. Either way, because I confronted, I got more hurt than I needed to be. Let them be and leave it be. Which brings me to social media and break ups. UNFOLLOW, BLOCK, UNFRIEND, etc., do what you need to do. Following your ex on social media is asking for problems. Bite the bullet and do it, at least for the first couple of months until you’re a rational human being again. I blocked my ex. Not because I hate her, as she believes is the reason (or at least that’s what my homie says she thinks, which btw I don’t) but because of me. I couldn’t stand to see her pictures on my feed. Even when I unfollowed her, I would see when people liked her pictures and I would just find myself on her page again. Social media does nothing but make things more difficult. You may think you can handle it, but more often than not, you can’t. Do what needs to be done. There’s a lot more about breakups than what’s mentioned here. It’s an emotional period. And shit will go down that you wish hadn’t. But just get through it. Play some 808s and Heartbreak (which is hands down, without question the best breakup album of all time) and do you. We’ll talk more about this in the summer, hopefully. 

Dedication

This is dedicated to the aforementioned Ariel. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and happy belated (by more than 2 months) birthday. I hope you're doing well.

The Favorite Child: College Football's Infatuation with Alabama (and the SEC)

     Yesterday, the first College Football Playoffs rankings were released and as predicted, the rankings were unpredictable. Clemson took the top spot, dethroning favorite and defending champions Ohio State, who fell to #3. Undefeated Baylor and TCU continued to get spat at in the face by the playoff selection committee as they got placed #6 and #8 respectively. And as usual, the SEC got their nice love stroke as LSU deservingly got the #2 seed and Alabama roll their ancestor's legacy all the way to #4. Now I, and most of America has some major, beef jerky hard, beef with Alabama at #4, but before I let my fingers roll tide a path of destruction on the bull that is Alabama, let me dwell back into this Baylor and TCU debacle. 

     The main argument placing Baylor and TCU out of the top 4 is a lack of strength of schedule. Both Baylor and TCU's toughest opponent so far has been Texas Tech (5-4 record), who Baylor beat 63-35 and TCU survived with a 55-52 win. Now I understand that a team's opponents are a big factor in justifying JUST how good they are. If the Los Angeles Lakers went undefeated against a high school varsity team, my reaction would be "So?" (The way the Lakers are playing so far this season though, even a varsity team might beat them). But even so, it's still something to go undefeated, especially when you're playing amongst your peers. How often do we see a clearly more talented team lose to a school most of us probably had no idea existed. At least once a year this occurs. It's a shocker when a more talented team loses, but it isn't a shocker that it happened to at least one team at some point along the season. It takes an effort to take care of business week in and week out, especially in football with only 16 regular season games. One loss can be the difference between grinding it out on the biggest stage on the last day of football and sitting your ass at home, corners of your mouth orange from all those Cheetos scarfed down your mouth, as you look despairingly at the tv screen thinking "that could have been me." Reward the fact that they take care of business, instead of being "that team." Luckily for both Baylor and TCU, their upcoming schedule have them playing 3 currently ranked teams, including a battle between the two. This should help one of their causes to making the Top 4 playoff ranking.

     Now for the moment my fingers have been craving to relinquish upon the keyboard. . . Ala'freaking'Bama. They waltzed into the top 4 simply because they're Alabama. The name carries so much weight that the playoff committee would be committing a sin not to put them in, or so that's what it appears to be because THERE IS NO REASON WHY ALABAMA IS A TOP FOUR TEAM. Alabama's presence is simply based off their grand daddy's success. They are that spoiled, rich kid who gets life handed to them on a silver platter all because of "daddy's money." In other words, Alabama is Michael Jordan's son, Marcus Jordan. Buddy spent $50,000 in two days at a casino one time and we sure as hell know he didn't earn any of it. Alabama has a solid record at 7 and 1, I'll give them that. But that one loss, that ONE loss (which I mentioned before, one loss in football is huge) was against an Ole Miss team. An Ole Miss team that lost to a Florida Gators team ranked #25 at the moment (now ranked #10) and a Memphis team whom at the time was unranked (now currently ranked #13).  Memphis is undefeated and Florida is 7-1 with the one loss being by a touchdown at Death Valley with a QB who was forced into action after minimal playing time the 6 games prior. Now, I'm biased as hell given the fact that I go to UF, but it appears to me that many people believe Florida has a better resume than Alabama. They beat Ole Miss, who Alabama lost to. Alabama decimated Georgia, but then again, so did the Gators. Alabama scraped by against Tennesee, as did Florida. Alabama has in fact faced and beaten more ranked opponents than the Gators, but that one loss is more than just a blemish on their record. It's a huge zit on their nose as they get ready for senior prom pictures. I'm not saying the Gators deserve to be in the top 4, as of now, they don't. What I'm saying is that Alabama has not earned the right to be in such company and that the difference in ranking between the Gators and Alabama should not be as far as it is. 6 spots may not seem like much, but in college football, every position matters. #4 Alabama plays #2 LSU this week so this will be a big test in Alabama's resume and whether they're worthy or not. It's pizza day at the school cafeteria and there's only one left. The farther along you are in line, the more likely it is that you'll get that coveted pizza. The teams are hungry and it's feeding time.

    The rankings released were only the first one of many. It's practically guaranteed that these rankings will change and the final 4 will be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT (I'm looking at you, Alabama) than from what they are. For now, let's enjoy hopefully a great remainder of the college football season.

This is ThatDude coming at you. Now if you excuse me, I've gotta get myself checked out for hypertension after all this salt I had for Alabama and the playoff committee. Go Gators.

    

NBA 2015-2016 Season Preview w/ Deion A. Sainvil

Before we begin, Eddie and I would like to thank I *Heart* Celtics for giving us the inspiration to do this and for being the funniest sports blog out there, despite their hiatus and the fact that they’re Celtics fans. PLEASE come back, guys. Celtic Nation needs you.This past season like the ones before it has been one full with surprises, heartache, and excitement. My good buddy Deion from In The Mix and I were going to write a recap of the season, but that would be boring. So we decided in Beastie Boys, Golden Age style fashion, to make a re-rap of the season. See what we did there? Stay away from flammable objects when reading because these rhymes are fire (the actual rapping is questionable).

Curry and Draymond in the no flex zone

LeBron carrying a team to the finals on his own

Golden State won it with splashes from Curry

But they beat the Cavs without Love and Irving

Andrew Wiggins won Rookie of the Year

But his rival Jabari Parker had an ACL tear

Anthony Davis on the block, swatting like mosquito

Harden looking like black swan heading to the free throw

37 in a quarter, man Klay went off

And in Dallas Rondo told Carlisle to eff off

Miami missed the playoffs, man nothing was the same

Paul Pierce for the win cuz he called game

Clippers once again looking like a top contender

Then falling short, no-one surprise by those pretenders

The Thunder lost KD, oh boy they’re in trouble

But Westbrook messed around and got 11 triple-doubles

Damn, another NBA season has gone by

But we still have time to kick some rhymes

The Knicks still suck but that’s not news

And the Lakers can’t stand being bad, boo-hoo

Word.

Eastern Conference Standings

Cleveland Runs away with the East Again (Because the Bulls don't have what it takes)

     LeBron, Kyrie, Love, all healthy. What more needs to be said? The Cavs are easily gonna be #1. We have the Bulls at #2. We don’t like it, but it’s the best fit. The Eastern conference is weak and every spot but #1 is up for grabs. We want to respect the Bulls, but look at what they have done lately: they got startled by the Bucks; put up a cute, little fight against the Cavs; and fired Tom Thibodeau who's been their greatest coach since Phil. Hopefully, last season ends all the talk about the Bulls being title contenders with a healthy Derrick Rose. I don’t care how healthy or vintage he looks. If I was a Chicago fan, I’d switch my jersey number from #1 to #21. Jimmy Butler is the man now. Let's see if Rose and Fred Hoiberg are willing to accept this. 

Wizards Pull a Hoodini and Switch Spots with Toronto

      John Wall, the former #1 pick, finally showed D.C. his worth. If it wasn't for an unfortunate injury, the Wizards would have cake-walked past the Hawks and THEN get brutally destroyed by a freight train named LeBron. But now Wall is healthy; and Beal is only getting better. Wizards get the 3 seed. The Raptors haven't improved; so they get the 4th seed. They play isolation ball and live above the rim. Yeah, they signed DeMarre Carroll, but on the other hand...they signed DeMarre Carroll. An UNATHLETIC, slow Small Forward who won't thrive in iso-ball. Yeah, they also signed Anthony Bennet, but on the other hand...they signed Anthony Bennet. Basically, this generation's version of Kwame Brown. Bismack Biyombo might be a good pick up though. 

Young Bucks and a Sunny Season (Heat #5 Bucks #6)

      Miami had a disappointing season last year, but things are looking sunny in South Beach. Bosh is healthy and Whiteside has been working with Juwan Howard in the off-season. Gerald Green and Amar'e are nice pick-ups. Goran re-signed and they got Justise Winslow, who has yet to show us something, but is still a steal in the draft. And, most importantly, for the first time in four years, Wade had an extra two months to recover. Milwaukee may have managed to muscle past obscurity this season without their first rounder, Jabari Parker, but they will end the season in the same spot as last year. Even though Game 6 was a slaughter, they did give the Bulls a hard time in the playoffs. We're liking the direction the Bucks are going. They're a young team with lots of talent: Giannis, MCW, Jabari Parker, and Jerryd Bayless are X Factors. The Greg Monroe pick-up is also going to shake things up. We also like Jason Kidd as a coach. He has no expectations and nothing to lose. It’s gonna be fun seeing what he does for them in the next couple of years.

The Quick Rise and The Quick Fall
      There's no argument that the loss of El Trece last year was a big blow for the Pacers. A team that once gave the LeBron-Era Heat trouble, quickly dropped to not even making the playoffs. But now he's back and so are the Pacers in the playoff picture. The question that remains, however, is just how healthy is Paul George? Can he go back to his dominant self? The Pacers did make a nice acquisition of Monta Ellis, but in end, the Pacers success depends on PG. And I guess losing Roy Hibbert is somewhat of a loss since he was a part of their presence, but that's more of a footnote. While the Pacers are on their way up the Hawks will fall. And oh what a fall from grace it will be. The Hawks had the top three most hyped season behind the Cavs and the Warriors. Having four players win player of the month and Korver’s near 50-50-90 season was good fodder for the East, but proved to mean nothing in the playoffs as they had a scare against the Wall-less Wizards and the talent-less Nets. Losing DeMarre is a tough blow; and Jeff Teague, although we like the kid, is not going to be the answer the Hawks want him to be. So we can all stop blowing Budenholzer for blowing Popovich and adopting his coach and playing style because the Hawks proved that no and I mean NO style of play supersedes talent (ahem Knicks and Phil Jackson’s Triangle Offense.) 

Western Conference Standings

Rockets Clip Warriors for the #1 Spot

James Harden carried the Rockets throughout the season and they notched a #2 spot. Let us reiterate, Harden, with an unhealthy Dwight Howard, led the Rockets to being the second best team in the Western Conference. Losing Josh Smith won’t even hurt them much because Ty Lawson might be the Mr. Right that Houston needs. He’s an elite point guard who can score and dish the rock effectively and consistently. If he averaged nine assists with the Nuggets, he’ll have a blast with the Rockets. H-Town will once again be the dominant Texas team. The Clippers may be projected to be #2, but they have the best roster in franchise history. Meaning, if they don’t make it to the conference finals, they're a lost cause.With DeAndre back, Lance Stephenson, Paul Pierce, Josh Smith, and Austin Rivers occasionally balling out, Chris Paul and Doc Rivers have what it takes to make a championship team. Last season Blake Griffin missed 15 games and the Clips were four games shy of a 60 win season. The Rockets were also four games shy and Dwight missed half of the season. It’s safe to say that both teams will have remarkable seasons.

Warriors get Spurred and Drop to #4 Spot

Before we dive right into the Warriors and their fall, let’s talk about the Spurs. The moves they’ve made this off-season can’t be ignored. They’ve kept their already successful core alive with Duncan, Parker, Ginobili, and the rising star Kawhi, and added the proven all-star Lamarcus Aldridge. Duncan and Aldridge? Sounds like Robinson and Duncan 2.0. The David West addition also allows for a nice backup who brings a physical intensity to the game. Many people have the Spurs at the #1 seed, but with Pop’s history of resting starters frequently and the time it takes to get the team chemistry right, Spurs get the 3 seed. Yes, the Warriors are the defending champs, and yes, they kept basically their entire team intact...but that’s exactly the problem! It's difficult to be successful using the same thing twice. This isn’t cooking where if you stick to the same recipe, you’re in good shape, this is the NBA: Where Adaption Happens. It’s hard for us to imagine Curry matching or topping last season. It won’t be long before opponents realize how to contain him. The Warriors will still be a top contender for the belt, but they’ll have to do so at the 4 seed.

Thunder Storm the Grizzlies to Take the Fifth Seed

Even when not making the playoffs, the Thunder had one of the more exciting seasons, solely because of Russell Westbrook. Now the once title favorites have their once MVP Kevin Durant back from injury and a new coach to lead them. Billy Donovan, the former coach for the Florida Gators, will now take the reigns from Scott Brooks to hopefully lead the team to a championship. However, the Thunder’s success depends on the two-headed monster of Durant and Westbrook. The Thunder can only go as far they can take them and they can’t do it without each other. As soon as OKC plays like an actual team, they can be contenders once again.

The Grizzlies these past years have been a consistent middle-of-the-pack team in the West. They’ll continue that trend in the 2015-2016 season, just to a lighter extent. Randolph and Gasol are still leading the ‘Grind and Pound’ of the Grizzlies identity, but how far has that gotten them? A Western Conference Finals appearances where they ended up getting swept? The West keeps getting better and the Grizzlies keep doing what they always do–being good enough to make the playoffs, but never good enough to be taken as a serious threat.

Pelicans Fly Over Sacramento for the Seventh Spot

Anthony Davis is already being considered the third best player in the NBA and it’s justified. Since being drafted in 2012, all of his stats have improved. In two years he went from 13.5 ppg to 24.4. He would’ve been higher on the MVP ladder if his supporting cast wasn’t so unsupporting. The Pelicans will do better because Davis will be better. Until they get another all-star, they’ll go as far as he takes them, yet again. The Kings haven’t seen the postseason in 10 years. With a small market, they've struggled to attain the necessary talent to get them past the drought. They have the best center in the league in DeMarcus Cousins and he might be a loose cannon, but he puts up numbers. Even though they recently got Rajon Rondo, they already have a solid point guard in Darren Collison who averaged 16 ppg and 5 asts last season. Rondo and Cousins both have notorious attitudes, but they’re Kentucky boys, so they should get along well. Rudy Gay can give them 20 and 5 every night and Reggie Evans and Willie Cauley-Stein will provide a good post presence. We’re not saying the Kings will be a shoe-in for the 8th seed. We’re saying that next season they’ll be the team that will come out of the dogfight victorious and get swept in the first round.