To Love a Sunflower

Now this sunflower may have been the shortest in the patch, but there was no denying that she was the prettiest. Her bright face always directed to the sun, finding anything positive in even the darkest of moments. Her leaves flowing with the wind's current, embracing with open arms anything that approached her. Her stalk standing firm, still short, but powerful enough to hold her own against any threats. She was the type of sunflower you bring home to mom on mother's day. She was the type of flower to greet you at Heaven's gate. The beauty was unmatched by all.

I was blessed for this sunflower to choose me as the soil for her to grow in. She arrived to me young and hesitant, but still dug her roots into me. She became my sunflower and I wanted to give her everything she needed to grow. Water, nutrients, protection, love and dedication. Anything she needed, I wanted to give her. Even if it meant depleting me of everything I had, to me, she was worth it. When she accepted me as her soil, I made a vow to do anything in my power to let her succeed. I knew that this was a special sunflower.

But over time, as she grew, she started needing things that I couldn't provide. I sought and fought to find what she needed, but she was growing tired and weary. I was working on adapting, but my time had run out, she wanted different soil now. I still had so much left to give her, but I know the promise that I made. If there was anything I could do to let her succeed, I would do it. So with all the strength I had, I let her remove herself from me to find whatever she's looking for.

I should have known better than to have fallen in love with a sunflower. Their love will just always be too much. And now I remain, left in the dust, feeling depleted of everything I once felt full of. But I have no regrets and I hope that this small sunflower keeps her head to the sun in the way that always made me admire her.

Writer's Note: The relationship between the soil and the sunflower is not a one-sided one. The sunflower provides to the soil as much as the soil provides to the sunflower. For instance, the sunflower can take what was a gray and dab land and convert it to something warm and beautiful just by it's presence. This post by no means is saying that the soil received nothing. This is simply the soil's very short recount of his time with the sunflower.

Three Month Growing Pains

I was introduced to a new term today by my good friend, Deion. We were riding in his blue Corolla (as taken men, we have to ride in inconspicuous cars as to avoid the never ending admiration of our fans) when he brought up the term "Three-Month Growing Pains.” To those whose virginity of this word I'm about to take, basically it's a point in most relationships when you've passed the honeymoon phase and entered a new point where you start to realize things about your significant other that you'd be more than happy to go away with. I'm sure my ex is reading this right now, screaming a nice big "HA!" in agreement. That's fine, she won't be laughing when I gain enough popularity to advocate for more speed bumps in her residential community. Girl won't be able to get over 10 mph without a bump. Check and mate. Well, as some of you may or may not know, I recently entered a relationship of myself and wouldn't you know it, it appears that we're around our 3-month mark currently. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that our relationship is perfect. I've screwed up more times already than I can count on my toes and fingers, but there's no doubt in my mind that I'd rather occasionally argue with her than to be with someone else. The point of this post is to talk open and honestly about problems that all relationships encounter.

For the sake of the blog, I asked my girlfriend if she could please list some things about me that she found annoying. Unfortunately, she couldn't think of anything at the moment. Perhaps I really am just the perfect gentleman...HA! Nah, just playing, like I said above, I've made mistakes. Let me list off a few. Over this span, I've realized that I don't fare too well with honesty and that I tend to unintentionally say things that come across as hurtful because of a poor choice of words. With the honesty part, It's not that I go off kicking and screaming, but that my ego gets a shot and I get defensive rather than to understand her point of view. For the unintentional hurtfulness, we can be having a jolly ol' grand time and I say something in the moment and I end up unintentionally hurting her. Now my significant other, also has points about her that I am not too fond of. But, because I care about her (and also don't want to say the wrong thing and be sent to the dog house) I won't discuss here.

Now personally, I hate the three-month growing pains in a relationship and from my past experience, I know there will always be pet peeves about your significant other that you don't enjoy. Everything about a relationship is a process. And let me be honest with myself, I probably only know 5% of the process. Everything about a relationship is a learning experience, but although I may not know the other 95% of the relationship process, the 5% I do know is to learn from the three-month growing pains.

Many people like to believe that they know what they're looking for in a person. "Blue eyes, at least 6 feet, sensitive, fiscally responsible, likes Pokemon, etc..." Rarely, do people like to believe that they don't know what they're looking for. You know that Socrates' quote that science teachers like to bring up to encourage their students? "The only thing I know, is that I know nothing." Personally, that's how I feel most people are in searching for a relationship. You can have a check-list of what you believe to be is your perfect significant other, but even one of those boxes you thought you wanted, can end up to be something you rather not. "You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather" --Andre 3000. But now let me go back to how this ties in with the three-month growing pains and the problems that haunt any relationship. It is through these problems that you learn more in a time span than a 24-hour lecture with Stephen Hawking can teach you. You learn the never-ending process of what you enjoy in a relationship and what you don't enjoy. You how to cope with confrontation and disagreements. But most importantly, you learn that you aren't as damn perfect as you thought you were. You've got flaws. You've got imperfections. You've got problems. There's a much more different level of intimacy and understanding between a friend and a significant other. When your significant other tells you something about yourself compared to your friend, you take more to heart. It's hard to hear about your flaws from someone who's opinion you care deeply about, but it's something that as a human, you need to hear.

Now, there are going to be things that you simply cannot do anything about. That scar on your hand? Can't do anything about it. That bald spot you have on your head from a birthmark? Sorry Deion, nothing you can do there. But that difficulty handling honesty, that's something I can work on to improve myself and our relationship. It's something that I can build off of and something that I, a 20 year old male, wasn't aware of until I entered this three-month growing pains of my relationship. The three-month growing pains stage puts you in a vulnerable position to take a deep, hard look in the mirror. It's a time to learn and a time to grow. I can't help but have Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" play in my head right now.

Deion here. Thanks for having me again, Dude. It’s always a pleasure. As some of you may know, I too am in a relationship and our 4 month-iversary is approaching very soon. ThatDude and I are both taken men right now, happy as clams in loving relationships. The difference between us is this is my first rodeo.These “Growing Pains” are something that I wasn’t aware of and did not prepare for. It’s no problem because Sunshine and I are doing well and in the name of the wise Kanye West “I’d rather argue with you than to be with someone else.”

With all respect to Sunshine

The Three Month Growing Pains are a sucky, sucky point in a relationship, but they’re needed. From the Seventeen magazine articles I’ve read during work, the Three Month Growing Pains don’t determine whether or not you two will make it from here on out. But you need them to see how you and your significant other will manage with the bumps along the road.

Think of LeBron when he first joined the Heat. Remember how great that was for the Heat Nation? Remember the ceremony and the promise of championships? Remember the blissful photo shoots and alley oops? What happened in the Finals during the first season of the Big Three? Disaster… but what happened afterwards? Back to back championships, a Harlem Shake video, a 27 game winning streak, and enough alley oops to make up a near 15-minute compilation video on YouTube.

This is the best possible route that a relationship can take during the Growing Pains.

The worst route? Think of the 2012 L.A. Lakers when Dwight Howard and Steve Nash joined. Remember how promising that looked? Remember how Laker fans acted like the Larry O’Brien trophy should just be delivered to them so that the parade could start a year early? What happened during that season? Turmoil, arguments on and off the court and a first-round exit in the playoffs with Dwight getting ejected in his last game in a Laker uniform.

That summer Dwight left and set his eyes on Houston, where he also went through Hell and left.

If you and your significant other really love each other and are determined to make things work, you’ll be like the Big Three era Miami Heat. If things aren’t working out and you two decide to part ways, you’ll be like the 2012 Lakers. Both teams experienced a honeymoon phase until it came time to figure out how to work the kinks out. The difference lies in how they bounced back.

Whether you stay together or sever ties the Three Month Growing Pains will teach you a lot about yourselves and each other.

Deion Out.

ThatDude back in. Can we take a moment  to applaud Deion, that might have been one of his best pieces I've seen from him. I can't help but feel like a rapper being out-versed by a feat. on his own song.

Anyway, I want to leave you with this parting message. Once past the honeymoon phase, disagreements are going to be part of a relationship, but as long as you two continue to enjoy each other's company and the memories that are made together, the two of you will be fine. As for Deion and me (And I'm speaking on behalf of Deion here, Sunshine) our relationships may not be all roses and dandelions, but when their names get brought up, we can't help but smile, because they do make us happy.

ThatDude Gets Sentimental: On Relationships and Breakups Part 2

It disheartens me to say that today, I was broken up with for the second time in my career, and rather than wait time to allow the wound to heal, I'm writing this with a fresh cut. I'm hurt, I'm distraught, I want to burn everything that we've shared in these past experiences and start fresh. I want their new relationship to strain more than ours did and for them to look back upon our relationship as the "Good Life." I knew we were having troubles, but I honestly did not think it will come to this. I thought they were just bluffing and in the end come running back into my arms. This cut is much deeper than the last and it may take years for me to fully recover, but hey, as you guys know, I did it once, and I'll do it again. It was a 13-year relationship and as I turn on the television, my eyes are awaken to the sight of "Dwyane Wade signing 2-year $47 million deal with Bulls." Dwyane Wade has left me as only a part of his past. Damn, he couldn't even tell me to my face that they were done with me. He might as well have broken up with me through text. Damn.

When I first heard the news, I was heart-broken. That feeling of heart-brokeness then transitioned to feelings of anger. Why would he be leaving me? After all, we've been through? Heart-breaking losses but 3, THREE beautiful children we call Larry O'Brien. How am I going to explain this to them? "Wade loves you, but he doesn't find us sexy anymore, he left our ass for that white girl." They're going to be devastated. After that, anger transitioned to a feeling of sorrow. "What are we going to do without him? How capable are we without him?" That question led me to my feelings of arrogance. "We're more than capable without him, we'll show him, we don't need him, HE needs us." In the words of a wise (and misunderstood) Kanye West in '808's and Heartbreak' (which I am shamelessly listening to at this moment "You'll never find nobody[sic] than me." Until finally, acceptance. I can't sit here and say I completely understand his decision to leave us for the Chicago Bulls, but I respect his decision and will cheer on his new relationship (behind my current one with the Miami Heat of course.) Within a course of 20 minutes, I underwent a full range of emotions and yet the cut still stings. I'll put a bandaid over it for now and keep a smile on my face, but deep down, I'll still be hurting. I'll continue to hurt until somebody new comes my way. It may take 2 months, or it may take a year or more, but somebody new will come and win back my trust. Until then, I'll just have to enjoy my flings with new players coming to the Heat who'll stay for a year or two, but can't just fill those size 15 shoes left behind by Wade. 

Wade with his Three Children...Larry O'Brien, Larry O'Brien Jr, and Larry O'Brien III

I can never truly thank Wade for those majestic 13 years that I was privileged to have with him. I can honestly say I saw the impossible on more than one occasion. When I got my first laptop, the first video I watched was Dwyane Wade Highlight Reel, the same highlight reel I've seen at least 25 times. The first and only jersey I've ever bought was of Wade. I had a pair of Wade's converses and was looking to buy a Li-Ning shoe (still am, they're dope). As a kid, I shaped my style of play (the best that my athletic ability would let me, which unfortunately is not much) to shadow Wade. I fought passionately against the waves of hate stirred from my two best friends who are adamant Kobe and LeBron fans. I still remember when Wade was on Nickelodeon talking to kids about B.E.E.F. Balance. Elbows. Elevation. Follow Through. I watched the day when Dwyane Wade officially claimed the  AAA arena as "my house." I'll always look back fondly on those great 13 years. Wade may be leaving Miami-Dade, but it will always be Miami-Wade County.

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go to bed in my Dwyane Wade jersey for the night. Also, for the 0.0001% chance that Wade is reading this, I'm looking forward to seeing the Heat beat you and the Bulls come gameday. Let's not forget, it was against them that you claimed the AAA.

DudeFresh Talks the Finals

Hey, everyone! This is Deion from In the Mix with Deion A. Sainvil here. Okay, Dude, I’m sorry for getting on your blog and I know you’re busy working on Sentimental 2, but I need to vent. This year’s NBA Finals might be historic and we need to talk about it. I need to get something clear: LeBron, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t say I didn’t believe in you...I just didn’t believe in your team.

America, I thought the Cavs were gonna lose again to the Golden State Warriors. It pains me to say it, but I didn’t see anything from the Cavs that made me confident in them having a chance. I watched them terrorize the East and occasional west coast teams unamused. It’s hard for me to believe in them when they lost twice to the Warriors in the regular season and the second loss--or should I say blowout-- lead to David Blatt getting fired.

I approached the Finals like someone who’s been hurt from a previous relationship and is reluctant to fall in love again. I didn’t want to get emotionally invested because I didn’t want to be disappointed. I couldn’t take another cruel summer. Game 3 told me that LeBron wasn’t going to get swept. I entered Game 4 with hopes that the Cavs could tie it up. It looked hopeful in the beginning but once the Cavs crapped their pants in the last minutes of the fourth quarter the writing re-appeared on the walls.

In comes the reports of Draymond Green’s suspension for Game 5. That was a good thing to hear and it was even better knowing that he couldn’t sit on the bench or be in the Oracle. HA! I watched Game 5 with my fingers crossed the whole time. Seeing LeBron and Kyrie dominate like that was special.Once again, my main LeBron James showed the world why he’s the GOAT. Not only did he drop 41, he nearly messed around and got a triple double!

Now here we are, hours away from Game 6. Cleveland has absolutely no room for error and they are two games away from ending the city’s championship drought. Call me crazy, but I think they can do it. Let me make myself clear, I think they CAN, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they WILL.  

You’re right Deion, they’re only two games away from doing what most people didn’t think was probable. They’re two games away from people’s jokes going from LeBron is 2-4 in the finals to LeBron is 3-4 in the finals. They’re only two games away...but these two games are going to be a battle. Like you said, no room for error. The Cavs need to do something that no team has done and make the reigning champs do something they haven’t done at all...lose 3 games in a row. If there’s any team that can do it, the Cavaliers LeBron can do it. I’m rooting for the Cavaliers here, but my heart says that it won’t happen. But if it will happen, this is how it’s going to get done.

In order for the Cavs to win these next two games everyone who’s name isn’t LeBron, Kyrie, or Tristan needs to step up big time. Tristan gets a pass because he’s nearly averaging a double double, but he needs to show up more at the free throw line. If $82 million isn’t enough to get you to shoot at least 50% from the strike, I don’t know what is.

Iman Shumpert and J.R. Smith need to get at least 10 points a piece. Iman, $10 million a year should get us more than a few defensive stops on Curry and missed three pointers.

J.R. got 20 in Game 3, showing that he can be an asset if he wanted to be. But instead J.R. wants to be J.R. which includes streaky shooting and consistent foul trouble. Seriously, in any given game this guy will get more fouls than collective assists and rebounds.    

You’re asking a lot out of Shumpert to put up a 10 spot and too little out of J.R. We know what J.R. is capable of. He can put up 10 in a quarter if he get’s it going. I would say Shumpert needs to harass Curry, piss him off, and get him out of his zone, and maybe put up 6-7 points. That would be a good day in the office for him. Smith on the other hand, needs at least 15, especially if Kevin decides to leave his talents in Minnesota still.

Mozgov, where ya at?

My biggest disappointment has been in Matthew Dellavedova. This guy Dellave-disappeared and hasn’t been back since his dehydration episode last summer. This was a guy who we once thought could stop Curry. Now he gets scrub minutes and airballs threes. This isn’t the Dellavedova I once had trust in. This isn’t the Dellavedova who scored 19 on the Bulls last season to end the series. He did the opposite of improve. He literally regressed. He got a taste of the spotlight and said “No thanks, mate. I’m good with coming off the bench and doing nothing. But if you need me to take someone out for ya, give me a buzz!”

Delly and the Cavs bench make it hard for the starters to get any type of rest and they’ll be needing it if they want to stand a chance. I don’t even want to get on the topic of Kevin Love, I’ll leave that to you, Dude.

First off, the Cavs bench. They’re averaging 16 points a game as a unit in the finals. I’m sure Shaun Livingston could get that single handedly for the Warriors. I have one simple message for the Cav’s artillery men…”Do More.” Alright, so let’s bring up Kevin Love again because he is a main issue of discussion. It’s clear cut that buddy has not put the impact he’s capable of putting on the game. Forget the scoring real quick, but I remember a Kevin Love that could get 18 boards on the daily and now I see him getting bitched up by Varejao or Bogut on the boards. But then again, when your biggest advertisement plug is for chocolate milk, that’s pretty soft. A grown ass man should not be drinking chocolate milk after a workout. If I’m balling against you and you go to get a sip of chocolate milk, I might just hand you a sippy cup to drink from. Love has never looked softer in his life than when he’s trying to crash the boards amongst the bigger kids who drank their milk when they were young. Offensively, well, he’s been pretty trash too, straight up. Two points in game 5? TWO?! This man has less confidence right now than a pubescent teen walking up to his crush. If the Cavs are going to win, they need him to pick up the slack. I’m not saying score 25 and grab 10, but make them respect you. At this point, your job is to space the floor out for LeBron and Kyrie to do their thing. If he can stay out on the perimeter, hit a couple 3’s to make them respect his shot, I think he puts the Cavs in a good position. A 15 point and 8+ rebound effort from Love could go a long way. But if his confidence is shot early in the game, he can do one of two things: ride the bench or stay in the corner as a weak ass distraction.

Kyrie has really surprised me these Finals. I can’t lie, I doubted whether this man was for real or not. Well, after that Game 5 performance (and finals series overall), how can I say that he isn’t about that winning life? He’s averaging close to 30 a game in his first finals appearance and making the two-time MVP look like child’s play on the defensive end. It’s obvious he wants to win and has the capacity to do so, but I’m not sure whether he knows how to win. In Game 4, the Cavs were in the situation to come out with a win and tie the series. Kyrie was eating for most of the game, but during a 4 minute stretch in the final minutes of the game, his lack of experience showed. He was trying to force plays that weren’t there and was costing his team with turnovers or bad shot selections. Kyrie is going to get his in Game 6, but if it’s a close game in the final minutes and he tries to force things or speed up the game too much for himself, the Quicken Loans Arena will be smelling like Champagne once again from the Warriors.

Let’s talk defense. I wouldn’t say the Cavs defense has been terrible, but it sure could be better, particularly from 3-point land. The Cavs’ switches in the perimeter haven’t been smooth and often times, Curry gets squared up with Love and the results can be added to Curry’s highlight tape, or confusion occurs and there’s someone wide open in the post for a red carpet dunk. Communication has to improve. Also, the second chance points need to go entirely. Bogut is out for the rest of the playoffs. When you have Love and Thompson in your lineup, there’s no reason for an undersized Green to get an offensive rebound or an unathletic Varejao to grab one solely because he “ran harder than you” or the ball happens to fall in his hands which happened soooo many times Game 4! The Warriors are a potent offense, if they don’t hit you the first time, there’s a good chance they’ll pop you the second time around. They’re doing a good job at being aggressive, especially on Curry. This also depends on how generous the refs are being. When Curry is defended aggressively and he isn’t getting his calls, he’s going to have a quiet performance. The thing is, you can’t just silence Curry and win the game. The Warriors are stacked. Even their towel boys can hit a 3, it’s ridiculous. If the Cavs can limit the 3’s and keep it inside the mid-range area, they have a good shot at winning it all.

Post Subject Note

This is Curry’s second subpar finals in a row. Honestly, if the Warriors were to win the Finals, I have no idea who’d be MVP. It might be Green, but he was suspended for one game. Besides one game, Curry has been far from MVP form. Same thing goes for Klay, subpar besides one game. To be fair, the two people who have had the best series this far are on the same team in LeBron and Kyrie. If the Warriors end up winning the finals and Curry hoists that MVP trophy, I might blow the same gasket that I did when Iggy won Finals MVP.

PE-Dee(s)

Alright sports fans, it’s fair to say that it’s been a hiatus since ThatDude last spoke, especially when it comes down to sports. ThatDude was feeling sentimental, let a man have his feelings, but now you can grab your foam fingers, your drink hats and any other useless sports crap that we buy as you read this because “ThatDude Talks Sports” is back.

Last night, I fell asleep to the sounds of my beloved Miami Marlins winning their 5^th game in a row after a HORRID 2-8 stretch. I was on a rare cloud 9 in a sky filled with turbulent thunder clouds in the sky overcasting the Marlins history. Things were starting to look up, but looks like the baseball gods had better ideas for me. Fuck us Marlins fans, am I right?

The Marlins won a little bit past one last night, with it being a “Late Night with the Fish” game in Los Angeles. At around 1:45 I decided to go to bed. If I had waited 5 more minutes, my heart would have been broken sooner, rather than going to bed with this fake ass hope optimism that things are starting to turn up “Marlins.” Right when I woke up, I saw a text from my good friend saying that “Dee Gordon is a big loss.” First thought? “What the fuck is this guy talking about?” Then I went on Instagram and saw all these comments on the Marlins IG post about their win talking about Dee Gordon. Then I got suspicious. Did Stanton topple over Dee Gordon and flattened him out like “Flat Stanley”? Did Dee get traded by the Marlins for a free buffet dinner and a lap dance at a sleazy strip club? All those possibilities seemed more plausible than what I was about to encounter. Dee “Flash” Gordon was banned 80 games for using PEDs. Let me rephrase that. Dee Gordon, a 5’11 and 171 pound second baseman, who’s lucky to hit 2 outside the park homeruns a year and who relies on his blazing speed to get hits, used PEDs. I loved this dude, he was one of my favorite players. Speed kills and nothing is more exhilarating than watching him scatter around the bases for an inside the park homerun. Dee claims that he took something “unknowingly”, but what athlete caught for PEDs hasn’t ingested a PED “unknowingly”. I’m not claiming that he’s lying, but it’s getting ridiculous at this point. I also want to point out that this is the second time in less than a year that a beloved athlete of mine broke my heart with such accusations, the first being former UF quarterback Will Grier.

Although I’m still hurting from the news and feel betrayed, this post isn’t about Dee. The marlins will recover and do fine without him. Of course, it’s a huge loss of our All-Star, but during our win streak, he’s kind of been trash (batting .219 in the last 7 days). This post is about Barry “Home-Run King*” Bonds (note the asterisk). More than I feel for Dee, I feel absolutely terrible for Barry. How unfortunate is it that well early into his first year as the Marlins batting coach, a player under his guidance gets caught ingesting PEDs. Bonds has become the official unofficial face the steroid age in baseball. When he was hired, the Marlins social media pages where fluttered with comments about how “Bonds was going to teach Giancarlo how to juice.” Now, with the news of Gordon, their social media pages are filled with comments trying to create a connection between the two. Chicago has the Billy Goat for their 100+ year World Series drought and it appears that the Marlins now have the Barry ScapeGoat. This is absolutely an unfair accusation to be placed on Barry. In the short time that he’s been a part of the Marlins association, he appears to very invested into his players, often the first to congratulate a player after hitting a homerun. When a struggling Ozuna hit his first homerun of the season, Bonds was out of the dugout ready to give his player his congrats (see above).

 Although it is still way too premature to evaluate his performance, I appreciate the effort it appears he’s put in and am excited to see the progression in these young Marlins hitters. There’s no question that some of Barry’s stats should be looked upon with a suspicious eye. It’s unfortunate that one of the greatest hitters to ever play the game had been juicing. But juicing can only get you so far, and buddy sure knew how to swing a stick. Barry made a mistake, but he isn’t a dumbass. At the end of the day, it was Dee’s decision to knowingly or unknowingly ingest whatever he did, but Barry wasn’t escorting this man to the bathroom and shuffling him goods between stalls. Dee Gordon is a grown ass man capable of making his own damn decisions. In the meantime, Barry has a job to do. Hopefully, by the end of this mess, the Marlins will become a potent offensive team and after each homerun, thank the man by walking up to him, saying “And here’s another hit, Barry Bonds.”

Valentine's Day Through the Rose Colored Glass

It’s February 14, 2016, and that can only mean one thing. Today is that dreaded holiday that seemingly every single person in the world despises. Despised so much that a new tradition called “Galentine’s Day” has been invented to help take salt off the wound. I don’t understand the big problem with Valentine’s day. Personally, I love it, even as a single bachelor living in his 3rd floor pent-dorm mansion with one twin size bed, a mini-fridge that barely has enough room to chill my water bottles, and a sink that no matter what I do, gets cluttered with my beautification supplies. ThatDude takes his time to get ready for the day. There’s nothing more that I enjoy more than walking past a couple of beautiful women, turning around and seeing them faint at the sight of my 5’9 frame and Caribbean blood. Valentine’s Day is a fun holiday if you look at it through the rose-colored glasses. My good friend Deion, from In the Mix with Deion A. Sainvil, and I are going to tackle on Valentine’s Day from both the taken and single perspective.

Single Perspective

Deion here. Valentine’s Day has always been a special day to me. Not special in the way that Kanye’s impending album release date is special (Please man, stop playing games with us and release it), but in the sense that I make note of when it’s coming. Your boy hasn’t been tied down ever since he and Chantelle kissed each other during recess back in ‘99. So I’ve spent many a V-Days as a bachelor. Being single on Valentine’s Day is like being a Jew during Christmas-time. I don’t understand the songs, I have no use for the ornaments and the traditions are foreign to me. It’s simply a day that a majority celebrates and I’m just there with my hands in my pockets like “Yeah, that seems cool, I guess.”

It has it’s pros and cons. The obvious pro is that it saves me money (Dude chipping in on this real quick, it’s true. I’ve saved 15% or more by switching to single on Valentine’s Day). The con...well, there really aren’t any if you think about it. Let me explain. This ties in with today’s hook-up culture.

Papa Sainvil recently dropped a bomb on me when he said “Valentine’s Day is for couples. Don’t go making big plans on big days for people you’re only talking to. It freaks them out.”

Let me reiterate what my father said, Valentine’s Day is for COU-PLES. Meaning friends with benefits, people you’re talking to and everyone in between aren’t and shouldn’t be expecting anything. In the words of my roommate, “just vibe.” I am yet to find a Hallmark Card saying “On this Special Day, to my Special Friend...with benefits.” I’ve seen it already, plenty of the attractive women who want to come back into my life are on Twitter and IG posting things about how they want the pipe on V-Day. If you’re single and have a few hook-ups in your contacts, you can easily hit one of them up for a quick fling. Hell, if you plan it right, you can Netflix and Chill with multiple people throughout the day. They know when that hotline blings it can only mean one thing.

Some of you might be reading this thinking, “Wow, what a misogynistic thing to do. Only a fuckboy would do that.” Cut the crap. This is something that women and men do. You know it, I know it. The difference is in how it is executed. Men talk more and let their moves be known, women creep on the low and only chirp to a few nests. ThatDude and I are in college now. We know how it goes. The days of Valentine’s Grams are over. Now it’s about pregnancy scares and fearful visits to the doctor.

Maybe I took it too far there, but my main message is this: when you’re young and single, V-Day is about sex and a little companionship. If you haven’t already established a good relationship, don’t push for it today. Meaning there is no need to plan out anything with that cute so and so you’re getting to know unless you two are already in an agreed upon relationship.

Valentine’s Day can either be a pleasant day of surprise and affection or it can be a dreaded day of obligatory action—kinda like jury duty. I have enough friends in relationships and I’ve bagged groceries for enough couples to know what this day means to them. Some look at V-Day and get all starry eyed saying the effort and romance should be their every day. Some roll their eyes and think of the money they’re gonna spend. And others simply shrug their shoulders and think of it as a manufactured holiday. I’m not saying V-Day sucks, I’m saying that it’s not as beloved and welcomed as I once assumed.

If you’re single and your phone’s dry, then damn. Sucks to be you. I know, I was there. This year is different. I had tickets to fly out to Vegas and meet with some of my West Coast shorties, but your boy is working. Closing shift to be exact. So while I could be nestled up in a heart-shaped bed, eating imported grapes from my private vineyard in Puglia, Italy with a few beauts, I’ll be bagging groceries and cleaning. It’s okay though, I already requested the time off for my birthday so Summer ‘16 it’s gonna be popping. Dude, I’d give my ticket to you, but I’m not one to share. Plus, I’m sure you have an exam to study for on Monday, Mr. Bio major.

Taken Perspective

ThatDude here. Appreciate the thought, Deion, but I have plans of my own. I’ve got a bottle of chardonay, some classic vinyls on deck, and oysters that I personally dove down to the deepest waters in the Bermuda Triangle to collect. The captain of the boat said I was crazy if I dared to even venture, but I looked him in the eye and said “This is more than a matter of life and death. This is about Valentine’s Day.” For those who don’t know, oysters are an aphrodisiac.

As a dude who’s been in a relationship, I enjoy Valentine’s Day, in particular the gift-giving. During my taken years, I would sit up at night, thinking about clever gifts and even more clever ways to go about presenting those gifts. Now, I’m not trying to say that every gift the Dude gave was like opening a diamond-encrusted box containing the rights of ownership to the Walt Disney Parks, the Dude had his fair share of gift-giving gone wrong, but the Dude also has a pretty solid highlight reel. I once hid the lady’s gift in home-made Jell-O made from the finest store bought Jell-O mixes. Another instance, my personal favorite, I made a memory box and hand painted the cover of The Nightmare before Christmas on it. It was as if the hands of Pablo Picasso were guiding my strokes. The Louvre has approached me a couple times about the possibility of getting it for one of their exhibits, but I’ve declined countless of times. But back to the main message. Gift giving, albeit pretty materialistic up-front, is honestly a great experience. As cliché as it is, giving is more enjoyable than receiving. Seeing the smile that arises and the way their eyes light up when they open the mystery box makes the blood, sweat and tears worth it. Literally blood sometimes, I stabbed my hand pretty bad when chiseling a piece of wood into a heart. Not to mention, you also get a nice little present in return. Best gift I’ve ever gotten was NBA 2K14, It’s been 2 years and I still refuse to buy the new version. That game has pissed me off so many times with the bullshit that has occurred. For some reason, my 6’8 small forward (in other words, I modeled him after LeBron James) with a 99 Dunking ability and a 99 Vertical Leap, can’t dunk. It’s a big middle finger from 2K. But nonetheless, all those times I’ve thrown my remote, shut the TV off, and sat in the dark cursing out that game has made it even more sentimental.

The main part of Valentine’s Day, however, should be spending the day with the person, the gift giving should only be the side dish. What you do doesn’t have to be special on the surface, but it should have meaning within the relationship. If you two are huge movie-goers, go to the gas station, buy some candy, buy two $13 tickets, smuggle in the candy because you aren’t about that $5 for some Raisinets life and have fun. If you’re into foreplay and peepee touches, then fornicate like catholic bunnies. If you’re into nature, take them to a nature park with wild animals, lead them to pack of buffalo, and fend for your significant others lives with your own fists (maybe get a couple of scratches or broken legs too, you have to really sell this). I don’t know about you, but saving a person’s life is a pretty good gift. Not great, but it’s damn sure good (It’s also free, just saying).  When you’re coordinating the day, take time to think about everything. If you’re taking them to a movie because it’s easy then, bruh, come on. This isn’t about you, it’s about them, it’s about making them happy. Be creative. Be spontaneous. Show that you cared enough to put the effort in. Even if the plan doesn’t fall through and you end up at Taco Bell ordering 1 item to share off the $1 menu, if you put the effort in, and the relationship is true, they’ll appreciate the day. People say that Valentine’s Day was invented by corporations to sell more candy, cards and other gifts. Maybe (probably) was. Doesn’t matter, if you’re in a relationship, this is your day to celebrate. Be selfish. It isn’t about anyone else, it’s about your partner and your relationship. 

On another note, Valentine’s Day when the relationship is on the downhill is tough. It’s hard to be creative and put effort in when the passion and interest is declining. The last Valentine’s Day I spent with a partner ended uneasy. I had work that day, and closed, so I wasn’t able to get to her until about 11. In addition, I had just been accepted to the University of Florida, so we both knew that I was going away fairly soon. If there’s any day I remember more vividly, it’s this one. We got into a fight pretty quickly into the date and although we settled the argument, she left the car unhappy and I drove away the same. I wasn’t that into it anymore and she was reaching the same point. It feels forced if the passion is non-existent. You wanna go all-out because they’re still your significant other and you still care for them, but you know that it’s only an act. If you’re in this situation, it’s not easy. I’ve been through it and I still don’t know the right way to go about it. Breaking up before Valentine’s Day makes you look like a heartless troll. Breaking up on Valentine’s Day is just taboo af. You could put on a display and act like everything is fine, but then you’re just playing yourself and the partner. It’s not easy, but it’s a part of Valentine’s Day that often gets ignored. It’s usually, I’m alone and I hate this day, or I’m with someone and maybe there’s a slight issue, but generally, we’re both still into each other. If you’re in this spot, I wish I could give you advice, but there’s no easy way.  If I COULD say something, however, it’s that putting on a display and pretending, even if you want to believe that you could regain the feeling, only makes things more difficult for both parties in the end.

Me, Myself and Why

          “Your twenties are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time and all the aspects of you. Tinker with stuff, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little and never touch the ground.”

          Recently, I was approached with this concept of your 20’s being your selfish year in a place that any WiseDude would find inspirational quotes…Instagram. This quote in particular, however, resonated with me. Are the 20’s really a time about selfishness? Is this the time, more than others, to put yourself first? Well, after a long hard thought process that included bubble baths with scented candles and deep thought sessions as I smoke a pipe and readjust my monocle, I’ve reached a verdict. Until my early 20’s are over, I will be ThatSelfishDude. It’s going to be me, myself and here’s why. Ha! Puns, I love them (and if you don’t, too bad, ThatDude likes them).

          Last December, YourDude turned 20. It was a great birthday, to be frank. Nothing special. I had some imported Italian red wine aged 200 years served to me in the Holy Grail. Later that day, I went to the Miami Heat game and sat next to my good friend DJ Khaled. Buddy kept Snapchatting about some key, though. I just wanted to watch the game. Simple birthday, pretty relaxed. The quote resonated with me for this reason, however. I had just turned 20. I’m not going to be in my 20s forever. Is this really the time for me to do all the stuff I ever wanted to? If I'm going to be 20, I need to do this right.

          Your 20s are sometimes called “prime time”. You’re way past the childhood stage of Aunt Jemima pinching your cheeks and saying “just how cute you are” and other family members asking gawking about “how much they’ve grown” since the weeks they’ve seen you. You’ve muscled your way through those terrible years they call “puberty” and “middle school.” I don’t remember much about my middle school years, but I once entered the deep depths of Facebook and found statuses from those years that make present day Dude ashamed. Here, *sighs* are some of them.

Yes, because the world wanted a summary of what you were doing.

*Deep sigh* I hate how "you are" hair feels? Come on, man. Get it together!!

Theres a 100% chance I didn't know what this quote was referring to.

          Just look at that status. It’s safe to say that at that point in time, I was not “ThatDude”.  I still had so many things to learn. On the bright side, I’ve been representing the Gator Nation for quite some time. Something that two of my friends at FSU (you know who you are) can say. Go Gators!

     
           I could roast PubescentDude for ages, don’t get me wrong, but let’s get back to the question at hand, shall we. Your 20s are the time for you, more than ever, to be you. You’ve payed your dues and learned your lessons to get to this point. You also either at, or approaching your peak physical prowess. Take full advantage, because your 20s is when you start chiseling out your identity.

As I stated, when you’re in your 20, you’re entering prime time. You’re reaching, or are at the peak of your physical prowess. You’re still stupid, but dammit, that stupidity leads to curiosity and that’s what makes these years great. On top of that, generally speaking, the only ones that you need to care for are yourselves. Little SaintDudeWest and NorthDudetteWest still haven’t entered the picture. Add in that dash of selfishness I’m about to speak of and you have the perfect recipe to learn yourself.

          Your 20’s should be your “selfish” years. This is the best time for you to focus on yourself and do things you’ve wanted to do. Forget calling it “prime time”, your 20’s are “Bucket List” time. You want to own a baby orangutan? Then dammit, you go out and own that baby orangutan! You want to sky dive? Go out there, spend the hundreds of dollars, cry because you checked your bank account right after, and enjoy the ride. Hey, nobody said being selfish is cheap, but boy will it be fun. Do things you thought you wouldn’t do in a million years. Explore different aspects of yourself. Currently, ThatDude is taking an acting class for non-majors. For those who don’t know me, I’m generally a shy guy. I don’t like putting myself out there and try to avoid being put on the spot. I needed to explore, however. I needed to try something new and discover the ThespianDude. Albeit, I’ve taken the class for less than 4 weeks, I’ve already gotten a lot more comfortable when it comes to public speaking. Give me 2 more weeks and you’ll be seeing me in the movies. Give me one more year and I’ll be accepting my Oscar as I look Leonardo DiCapio dead in the eye. When I tell people that I’m taking this class, as a dude on the pre-med track, they look at me questionably. Fortunately for me, I’m not doing this for them I’m doing this for me (and all my future patients who I’m going to dish out invitations for my community play to). Feel free to do these random activities. Some things you’ll enjoy that you thought you wouldn’t, other things you’ll straight up hate them and think “Brain, what are you doing?” But hey, even if you do hate them, you have a good story for your grandchildren to not listen to. The experiences you can gain by living an active 20s can be invaluable.
Travel to different places. Whether they be out of the country, within the country, or within the county, travel to new places. In the short time I have left at UF, I’ve made it a mission to explore the vast nature grounds surrounding the “city” (Is Gainesville really a city? It’s basically a college campus with some houses on the outside). The person who inspired this blog post spent her New Years in London and is going to Chicago soon (low-key shout-out to bring back a rock). Travelling garnishes new experiences. Your 20s are the perfect time for you to travel to new locations. Nobody has a dependency on you and you have a dependency on no one else. You have the freedom to go to these locations and choose how you wish to spend your time there. The schedule card is in your hands. Overall, I could go on forever in ways you can be “selfish” in your 20s, but the main idea is to do things for you. Don’t do things because you feel obligated to. Everything you do, do it with passion, with interest, with energy. Make your 20s memorable. Eventually, you aren’t going to be able to be selfish anymore. People will become dependent on you and you’ll have to take their best interest before yours. Discussing that will be a time for later, but for now, it’s all about “me, myself, and I.” and finding out who they are

          Before I let you go, I want to make it clear that there’s a difference with living your 20’s “selfishly” and just being a dick. Your 20’s isn’t going to be 100% free of dependency. People at all points in your life will depend on you eventually. Be there for them if they need it. I shouldn’t even have to be saying this but I don’t want angry emails saying “your entrancing writing and skills in persuasion have turned poor Henry into Kanye.”

Dedication

This blog post goes out to the inspiration behind this post and the person who brought the quote to my attention. She recently turned 20, so everyone wish this person a "Happy Birthday" and let her 20's be as "selfish" as they come. Happy Birthday, flower child.